Should I return my ex-husband's heirloom?

[Terrapax]

It was a gift. It's yours, and you would be justified in keeping it.

That said, if you do not want it and have no use for it, it's absolutely worth being the "bigger person" and taking the high moral ground of returning it. Messaging, calling, or otherwise letting the mother know that the ring is on its way would be appropriate. It does not require a long, involved explanation or anything else that may stir up emotion or drama. Something as easy as stating "I am returning the ring, where and how would you like it sent?" would suffice.

Based on what you said about the mother, I would not expect any overt gratitude or effusive thanks in return. That's okay; do this for your own sense of well-being, not hers.

[Fexus]

Return it IMO. If you're keeping it out of any resentment, it means your ex is still coming in the way of your happiness (even if it is a small degree). Return it and free yourself. I would tend to believe this will make you ultimately feel better.

[Deleted]

Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, try not to be a cunt and do the right thing.

[Binko]

There is no clear cut moral answer here.

His mother gave it to you so now it is yours. I think it is a bit tacky of her to ask for it back since I assume she didn't put strings on the gift as in "you can have this as long as you remain married to my son".

If you don't feel like giving it back you are certainly not obligated.

You are not in the wrong no matter what you do. Therefore the best path would be to do whatever best helps you to move on and get over the past.

EDIT: Went back and read the post where you said the mother photoshopped you out of old family pictures. And THEN she asks for the ring back that she gave you. Fuck it, at this point I'd smash it with a hammer and send her the pieces.

[gismo7354]

I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away

That is enough right there. Just contact the family and say you're gonna be sending the ring back through certified mail. If you don't want to contact your ex or his mom maybe contact a brother/sister/cousin who can be a intermediate contact. Use facebook or phone but don't mail it till you have positive contact. Just simply verify the mailing address and tell them sorry for keeping the ring so long. Cut the conversation short right there. No more no less and it should be a drama free transaction like you want. You return the ring and get that feeling off your chest. They get the ring back and are happy. Everyone wins and should go away happier.

[Belloc]

Return it. You should've given it back when it was first asked for, but you were understandably raging at the time, so make the correct decision now.

[IzoGray]

Is this a real question? You obviously know that you should return it. Why bother asking?

[axhed]

send it off with a $1000 cod payment. find out just how much that ring means to your ex-mil.

[Ratboy]

If you do send it back (which would be what I would do) to her by a courier like Fedex or UPS, anyone that will ship Cash on Delivery and offers a tacking number. That way you are not stuck with the cost of shipping, you can send the mother the tracking number so she can know that you did send it and wash your hands of the whole thing.

[King Shark]

Just knock on her door, and when she answers, hand her the ring and walk off. Look her right in the face, say nothing, drop it in her palm, turn around, and walk away. No emotion on display- none whatsoever- use the best poker face you can imagine. That will cancel out any potential awkwardness. And it will make all of this worth it. Trust me, I'm a doctor.














(not really).

[Gandrake]

Is this a real question? You obviously know that you should return it. Why bother asking?

because obviously there is a conflict of interest here. If it was as easy as it just magically disappearing, it'd be no problem. But nah, the fact that you have to make an effort here is the problem.

I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to do anything for anyone who could say they didn't like me.

But hey, if you mail it back and they throw it in the trash that's their own damn problem :P

Just knock on her door

going there is a -tad- bit hard. I live in Indiana, they live in Alabama...It took me 4 years to make a 550 mile drive just to see my dying father, not going to make it again to return a ring.

[Lionhearte0]

Ok, so I've tried to Google the proper etiquette for this but my situation is slightly unique. Hopefully one of you awesome folks can help me out! <3

I was married to this guy for 3 years, we were together for 5 total. His mother gave me a pearl ring that was her grandmother's. When me and my husband split, I'll admit I was a little hostile towards him (he left me for another woman but that's besides the point) and when I was asked to return the ring (His mom asked me, not him) I refused. About 5 days after he told me he was leaving me for her, I moved from Alabama to Indiana. I recently returned to Alabama to get the rest of my stuff from my father's since I recently remarried (this was a while ago with the first husband and the ring) and came across it in my stuff. My question is this...Should I return it? I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away if I could possibly return it to her without making it look like I'm trying to make drama or force myself back in or something..because since me and Ex split, apparently it's come out his family never liked me (they were all very wealthy and I'm from a blue-collar family) and they're kinda pretending I never happened since a divorce in the family would look bad for them.

So? Should I return it? And how? I would like to message his mother on facebook, or call her one, to inform her I'm sending it because I'm honestly scared that if I just drop it in the post she'll throw it away because they know I live in Indianapolis and it'll be postmarked from here. Should I message her, or just call? I just don't want to make a bunch of drama or anything...just return it.

halp?

You already have your answer - return it. If anything, mail it - maybe even include a small letter, if you're worried about them throwing it away for whatever reason. Honestly, though, if you have their address, just send it and leave it to them. Once it's in their possession, they can do whatever they want with it.

[MerinPally]

Return it, simple as. You don't have to message him, only her. It means nothing to you, it means a lot to her. Ignore if he was a dick (that's an if, I don't know and would even entertain a guess) but this situation goes around him and doesn't require his involvement. Message her, saying you're prepared to give it back and then take whatever appropriate measures are involved to ensure the return.

It was a gift and legally it's now yours but... go on. I know moral grounds are usually defunct for a discussion especially on the internet but as a show of good faith. He may have let you down but that's between you two, don't let it hurt more people more than it already has.

[Deleted]

Obviously you should return it ... What the hell is a matter with you asking such a question here? It belongs to his family not yours, and since you're not together anymore you should return it. You should in fact return it the moment you guys divorced ...

I'm actually one of those guys who does not want to get married, 'cause most marriages don't last or are just a a shell, but when it comes to heirlooms like in your case, I take it as stealing.

[Lovechile]

Just knock on her door, and when she answers, hand her the ring and walk off. Look her right in the face, say nothing, drop it in her palm, turn around, and walk away. No emotion on display- none whatsoever- use the best poker face you can imagine. That will cancel out any potential awkwardness. And it will make all of this worth it. Trust me, I'm a doctor.
(not really).

oh my GOD I wish I could do that. That would be...oh. So perfect. Damn. wish I'd thought of this while I was down there!

[Deleted]

I'd say return it but you should probably email/contact the mother or your ex before meeting in person with whomever you're going to give the ring to.

[Gandrake]

Obviously you should return it ... What the hell is a matter with you asking such a question here? It belongs to his family

I'm pretty sure when you give something to someone as a gift you relinquish all ownership of it.

Why are you asking what is wrong with other people when you're old enough to have a pretty good idea of the basics of ownership?

[Ilir]

That's childish to keep it if you don't need it and if it is not worth anything for you. Return it. Move on with your life. Be happy

[King Shark]

On a serious note: just mail the damn thing. No messages, no phone calls, don't have to use my totally wicked awesome idea; just drop it in an envelope, send it, and wash your hands of the whole thing. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Just keep it simple. Don't overly complicate things with a needless sense of guilt or desire to right-a-slight. No need to add any further future awkwardness, by reestablishing any kind of contact; no more so than you have to, anyway. Just mail it; turn around; walk away.

But, make sure you use your best poker face from and to the car when you're get to the Post Office.

[vindicatorx]

\_/ care cup is empty, why bring your RL drama on here?

Entirely inappropriate behavior. This is the off topic section she is asking for advice because she is unsure how best to handle it. Perhaps since you are new here you should peruse the forum rules as you will find your behavior here is unacceptable.

On topic: I would contact the mother and make sure they get it as it is important to their family.