Cheating

[TehOccifer]

I had no clue here this thread should be, so I made it here.

So me and my (i guess ex) girlfriend are going through some tough times. She wants me to get a job at places I dont want to work (not really important to the topic, just explaining why we're having a tough time). So seeing as how I dont want to work at these places and she wants me to, shes upset about it. So, we're "officially" broken up. But heres where it kinda pisses me off and doesnt make sense. She still stays over at my place, kisses me, we have sex, and she says she still wants to be with me and stuff, she just wants me to get a job.

TL;DR: My GF and I are "officially" broken up, but still act like we're in a relationship.

Before going on, I wanna say we've been in a relationship for about 3 1/2 years, im 19, shes now 21. We've been broken up about a month or so now.

So, on the 3s she turned 21. She likes to drink, so she went to a bar at midnight for her birthday. I knew something fucking terrible was going to happen and make me feel like shit, which ended up happening. We tease around, like asking if so-and-so hit on us if we know someone of the opposite sex talked to us. We do it alot, but dont flirt back. So I asked her if anyone did at the bar. She said yeah, and I wanted to know about it, so I started asking her some questions. She wouldnt answer me. All she says is, "we're not dating, I dont need to answer to you." (i can be very jealous, so i wanted to know about this guy). So after a bit, I get some answers and she tells me shes not interested and whatnot and I believe her, though I feel like shes still hiding something from me. And just tonight, I learn that she made out with another girl at the bar. Now, I know we're not officially together, but we still act like we are. She also told me she'd WAIT for me to get a job and whatnot to get back together. I asked her about it, and after her again saying "we're not together" for quite awhile, she answers some questions. She told me she basically started it, and they made out 3 times. She didnt know that girl, a friend of hers knew her, and thats how they met. She (my ex gf) told me she (as in my ex-gf) wasnt bi, and she wants interested in her. All she said was "she found her attractive and she was drinking." All this while doing all the things people do in a relationship with me.

I feel like she cheated on me. I know we're not "officially" in a relationship, but we're still doing everything as though we still are. She told me she'd wait for me, and she said she isnt bi and isnt interested in this girl, so I wanna know why she'd do that and all she says is that she was drunk and found her attractive. I would like to know others peoples thoughts on this. To see if other people would consider it cheating/if they'd feel cheated on.


EDIT: it may also be helpful to know she was drunk when they made out.

[Reg]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

[Sunnydruid]

You are in the friends with benefits category at the moment from what you are describing. Definitely not a bad place to be at but it can have its downsides (jealousy being one obviously). If you both want to continue a sexual relationship then maybe you can work on yourself a bit during all this. Yeah you probably should get a job, it's a good thing to have. Even a shitty job is a job. If you live at home and don't plan on moving out anytime soon then any income is savings. If you are in college then try going for a part time job. Maybe get out there yourself and talk with some people? If you don't have many friends or anything then work is a great place to expand your social horizons and meet different kinds of people.

However if you feel like you can't handle the jealousy that comes with a FWB relationship then it's best to just save the heartache and break the relationship off. Maybe sit down and actually talk to her about this? Be blunt and don't sugar coat a single thing. I would just say " Hey X, so do you think we will ever be anything again?" simple as that. And that is assuming that you actually want to be with her still. If you don't want to risk the sex going non existant then just continue to bang her while you spread your wings.

[TehOccifer]

See, I wouldn't consider it FWB. I love her and we've actually date for 3 1/2 years. Its not as easy as that. I cant just let go of her like that. I love her and want to be with her but I feel she cheated, and hid it from me. Like I said, we still doing EVERYTHING like we're in a relationship, we hold hands and cuddle and EVERYTHING, but I feel she cheated on me. She said she'd wait for me to get a job, but did this. Idk what to do or feel.

[Captain N]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

Seconding this.

[Sunseeker]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

This. So much.

[RoryTee]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

Yup.

All or nothing , Don't be strung along.

[Deleted]

I wanna say we've been in a relationship for about 3 1/2 years, im 19, shes now 21.

A typical scenario of mid- to late teens getting together, becoming young adults, then breaking up. Nothing to see here, really. Truth is, I'd say it's absolutely hilarious to expect any relationship started in your teens or early 20s to last, unless a) you're truly made for each other (which is quite unlikely), b) the girl gets pregnant or c) the families pressure you to stay together.

It's usually 2-3 years of "hey let's start dating!", "hey let's move in together!", "hey let's get engaged!" "i luv u so much!111", "f u let's break up."

Best advice? Move on with your life.

[bals]

she's just using you. ditch her. staying with her in a pseudo relationship is just gonna make you more miserable.

[Low Hanging Fruit]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

Very solid advice.

[Jackmoves]

If you end a relationship its best to cut all ties, at least for a while. No contact. No phonecalls unless its really important, just stay away, living together sounds like a real pain in the ass, tell her to find something els, a friend or so until she gets her own place, if she doesnt already.

Also what Reg wrote.

[Darkis]

Get a job. Also, girl on girl doesn't count.

[Deleted]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

Get a job, lose the girl and search for a job you enjoy/like more.

Don't be picky about jobs when you have none, get one first and then search for better options. Any job > no job.

[Raldazzar]

I'm just saying... but, get a job. and.. keep on tapping that till YOU are done.

[Kalis]

To see if other people would consider it cheating/if they'd feel cheated on.

It's only cheating if they cheat on you in a relationship, and...

So, we're "officially" broken up.

My GF and I are "officially" broken up...

We've been broken up about a month or so now.

All she says is, "we're not dating, I dont need to answer to you."

Now, I know we're not officially together...

...after her again saying "we're not together" for quite awhile...

She (my ex gf) told me she (as in my ex-gf)...

I know we're not "officially" in a relationship...

You might not like it, but it isn't cheating.

If you can't handle having an ex as a fuck buddy, don't have an ex as a fuck buddy. Not rocket science.

[Notchris]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

The only correct answer.

[Deleted]

You're being played, get rid of her, don't allow her (or anyone else) to use you.
I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure you deserve better than that.

[diddle]

Shit I wish my wife would start making out with women, but on a side note you really should get a job and that's something any woman would have a problem with. She's at an exploring age, nothing serious - if you're happy with her and these recent incidents are isolated no need to go off the rails.

[Stelio Kontos]

Get a job. Lose the girl.

This. Get a job and find a healthier relationship.

[Toccs]

She kissed another girl? I'm 100% this is normal behaviour for girls of that age, i don't know any girls that have not done that in or out of a relationship where i'm from.

In fact if anything this is an opportunity for a 2's up. (Only kidding... maybe)

Get a job, any job will do at your age.