Bi-Polar Girlfriend?

[Lovechile]

I don't know if anyone has taken this side, so I'm just gonna assume they haven't.

my husband is bi-polar (and currently unmedicated, we're in the process of switching doctors) and I wouldn't leave him FOR ANYTHING. I'm not gonna lie, it's not pretty sometimes. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep from walking out, but what I keep in mind is that IT IS NOT HIS FAULT, NOR WHO HE REALLY IS. I mostly just ignore the moodswings. If he needs to cry, or be depressed, he does it. I ignore it. I tell him I love him, and I support him and I'm here for him if he needs to talk, but I refuse to fight with him, or cater to his "woe is me". Is it hard sometimes? Yes, very. Is it worth it? Of course, I love him. And when he's normal, we're perfect.

Maybe this comes from the fact that I'm a broken person myself, I can't have children, and I've been left because of that. It sucks to be left by someone who loves you, and that you love, over something you -really- can't help. I can also tell you as a woman, the "leave me and find someone better" gig is for ATTENTION. she doesn't really mean it, and if you do leave her for someone else, it's gonna break her heart.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I'm 29, and I've been with my husband since I was 24. I know that before my previous marriage and divorce, I wouldn't have been able to handle someone like this, but I gained perspective. Have a talk with her when she seems like she's not cycling, and tell her that you love and support her, but when she's up -down - up -down and stuff, you're going to leave her be. Make sure she won't hurt herself or others, and then let her just get through it.

it takes an incredible amount of support and patience to be with someone who is bi-polar, especially one who rapid cycles. I'll be keeping you in my prayers :3

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Dude, have you been or seen someone with Bipolar One going thru a manic episode? It brings out the worst in people. They don't sleep. Maybe 1-3 hours a night, which makes them extremely irritable and causes them to say shit that they never would normally. If you're around them, they will blame you. "Ugh, I couldn't sleep because you kept moving around" or "Jeez, you woke me up when you went to the bathroom and I couldn't fall back asleep". Things like that, and will bring it up constantly and use it to their advantage in the future. Another thing is spending money they don't have which is common. And when the money runs out, they're going to take it out on someone, and guess who it's going to be? It will lead to other problems in a snowball effect. They will make very poor decisions when they're at their lowest points, like applying for a shitload of credit cards, and taking out cash advances on them until they're maxed out.

One common thing I noticed about both girls I was with for more then 6 months was that they were horrible with money. If they had it, it had to be spent since it gave them gratification. Saving was a concept that was like a foreign language to them.

Funny, my husband is a diagnosed, unmedicated bi-polar, and he doesn't throw guilt trips, blame me for things I didn't do, or just BLOW money. He does get upset and sad for no reason or at REALLY stupid things, but then will flip a switch at the drop of a hat and be SUPER happy for no reason...he laughs at inappropriate times, gets mad at the world, ect ect, but he rarely takes anything out on me.

maybe it comes from him living with a bi-polar parent, so he grew up with someone bi-polar and fights really hard to not give into it, I dunno.

[Deleted]

Get the fuck out of dodge.

Went out with a clinically diagnosed bipolar chick once. Ended with a black eye, but lets face it you aren't a real man until you've been punched by a chick. She was fucking manic. Perhaps it was the illness perhaps she was just a cunt. Anyway I got rid of that drama and the world kept turning.

[Kezotar]

> 2 weeks and a couple
> 2 months and you love her..

how can you possibly love her within 2 months?

my point is that you're rushing, she's not the last one, probably not the one before the last..
"saying shes bipolar and wants you to get something better or that you deserve better is something i'd say if i wanted to break up with a girl, it's not her fault, it's mine " the usual lame excuse ".. take the hint, she doesn't want you, girls nowadays are most likely selfish enough if they want something real bad.

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You are 2 months in and having an issue dealing with it? I would move on if I was you.

Actually, that's.. normal. You've probably been in abnormal relationships, however having issues not right off the bat, however a short period of time after is normal. that is why many relationships tend to break up just 2-3 months in it.. they cba solving their issues, it's normal. it's a change of lifestyle, i can have a friend over at my place for a week, maybe two, most three and it would annoy me, and that's how it basically works.... it takes time to get used to, if the relationship gives you more than the bother, you stick to it.

[RaenavenBlacksun]

She needs her meds readjusted, and she needs someone who can be there for her unconditionally. If you feel you can't be that rock for her, then move on. I have untreated borderline personality disorder (where the mood swings can happen multiple times a DAY, instead of weeks/months), and hubby has been that unconditionally loving rock that I've needed my entire life. Some people need that, while some people need...something else entirely.

I can be incredibly impulsive and sometimes manipulative (but I feel bad about it, which doesn't seem to be the case with her). If she's drinking as well, that can easily turn into a physically abusive relationship if you're not careful. You really may need to move on, because while she may admit to the bipolar disorder, she may not admit to the alcoholism.

[.Nensec]

A friend of mine had a bi-polar one.. my god being with her was a nightmare. She could be sweet and caring one day and a total fucktard the next, impossible to really connect with. Atleast the sex was good, he said >.>

[Kezotar]

Get the fuck out of dodge.

Went out with a clinically diagnosed bipolar chick once. Ended with a black eye, but lets face it you aren't a real man until you've been punched by a chick. She was fucking manic. Perhaps it was the illness perhaps she was just a cunt. Anyway I got rid of that drama and the world kept turning.

Punched? Take being slapped at a FULL train station for 10 whole minutes, not even feeling your jaw afterwards....
Stay away from crazy chicks.. Btw, guess who the people around were looking wrong at, me.. not her, she was crying. She just wanted her will, and if she didn't get her will she got it anyway.

[Post]

yeah people with a mental illness should just be single.

Rofl what makes you think you're so great that you deserve better than anyone else stuck with the poor girl, good lord the entitlement to sexuality in the west is so inane.

Are you really telling him he should stay in an unhealthy relationship? Lol.

[Kezotar]

A friend of mine had a bi-polar one.. my god being with her was a nightmare. She could be sweet and caring one day and a total fucktard the next, impossible to really connect with. Atleast the sex was good, he said >.>

I'm not sure if I should feel awkward that you're talking about the sex life of a buddy or not..

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Are you really telling him he should stay in an unhealthy relationship? Lol.

a) he can try to seek her help, even work it out with her, it can work, yet hard. I mean we're taming lions nowadays, taming humans should be a piece of cake.. jk..

b) he can ditch her if he doesn't feel the work is worth it for her.

ditching is not always a option..

[Belloc]

My previous girlfriend was, apparently, bi-polar. OP's description is more or less perfect. It's a really shitty situation, because you literally never know when shit is going to get crazy. For pretty much the whole relationship, I was wondering if I just had really terrible timing with my words or if I was actually really good at saying the wrong thing. Of course, I'm seeing someone else now and the problem has pretty much disappeared, so that answers that question.

It really sucked, because I genuinely cared for her, did everything I could to be a good boyfriend, and she never stopped going crazy seemingly at random. It was an emotional rollercoaster that I stayed on for around 5 years before I finally let her go. I still miss her sometimes, but I'll never be able to forget how difficult of a relationship it was. It might have been able to work if she would've considered getting diagnosed and taking medication, but she was 100% opposed to it for the duration of our relationship. Of course, she started taking medication afterward and I really really hope it helped =/

[Kalis]

yeah people with a mental illness should just be single.

Rofl what makes you think you're so great that you deserve better than anyone else stuck with the poor girl, good lord the entitlement to sexuality in the west is so inane.

Why do I deserve better than to live with someone with a severe mental illness? Perhaps because I've lived with someone with a severe mental illness and I wouldn't willingly choose to go through that again, nor would I wish it on anybody else.

It is physically and mentally draining, the "ups" can be achieved with someone who doesn't suffer from a severe mental illness, and when you realise that things as trivial as them working late so you get a few more hours of peace start counting as an "up" then you know life like that really isn't worth it.

[Itisamuh]

If her bad spells just consist of depression and feeling unworthy, I would never break up over that, and would try to be there for her as much as possible. If her bad spells consist of yelling, doing stupid or mean things and treating you like crap, I would take her advice and bail. It basically all depends on how she treats you during her ups and downs, because if she stays nice, then all you have to do is be there for her. You should definitely consider the long term risks though, if you choose to remain with her, and possibly have children someday. Even if she is kind to you during both her ups and downs now, she could turn vindictive later on, just like any other woman can. If you have a child with her, you will never be rid of her, and a vindictive woman will always use the child against you.

[Kezotar]

My previous girlfriend was, apparently, bi-polar. OP's description is more or less perfect. It's a really shitty situation, because you literally never know when shit is going to get crazy. For pretty much the whole relationship, I was wondering if I just had really terrible timing with my words or if I was actually really good at saying the wrong thing. Of course, I'm seeing something else and the problem has pretty much disappeared, so that answers that question.

It really sucked, because I genuinely cared for her, did everything I could to be a good boyfriend, and she never stopped going crazy seemingly at random. It was an emotional rollercoaster that I stayed on for around 5 years before I finally let her go. I still miss her sometimes, but I'll never be able to forget how difficult of a relationship it was.

that's your perspective of it, i'm sure you had your flaws that made her go crazy. it's funny how the beaches are always the issue,not the guys. how do you .. " genuinely care " for her? girls take alot of effort and many guys don't know that.. it's a full time job..

[Tastyfish]

Take the chance you have been given and think about love after 2 months.
If you can't cope after only 2 months, you are going to be a shambling corpse after 6.

You can listen to this guy tho:

1. Stop being a massive faggot and love your girl,

But you know, apparently you are not allowed to have concerns about someone you been with 2 months that is showing behaviors incompatable with you.

[Cirque]

Being a girl with some complex psychological background myself, I have found that my husband not only put up with it, but made me a much better person. But, he is a very stable, down to earth, super calm guy. You either can deal with it, or you cannot - anyone else and I'd have walked away like your girlfriend did. In return, I shake his world up a bit, and apparently, for some unfathomable reason, loves me dearly.

She needs someone to push her up even in the most dire of times. She's a person with luggage and that doesn't mean it has to be a problem, but if you feel you cannot deal you will make it worse for her in the long run (and for you too). If, however, you can deal, and you can make her a better person, both your lives will be amazing and you will have a special relationship based on knowing, for a fact, what you guys mean to each other and have done for each other, and continue to do.

I want to add that every relationship has ups and downs and I also want to stress the point that the majority of posters here are teenagers with little to no experience and to take every advice with a grain of salt, including my own. In the end it is about you and her and you must decide on what feels correct for YOU.

[Deleted]

Having dealt with more than one bipolar person, I would run a freaking mile. Sorry. Absolutely nothing worse, it burns you out so much.

[Viscoe]

It sounds to me like she needs to sit down with a doctor and have her medication changed.

That said, when it comes to mental problems like bipolar disorder, medication can take a LONG TIME to find. It's tough to even find the right one for you, let alone the right dosage of that specific drug.

My sister has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for a very long time, and it took her about 6 years, but she found the right balance of medication and exercise (that part is often overlooked, but very important) and now you wouldn't be able to tell that she had any problems at all. And she's living a pretty awesome life right now!

So the question is, how much effort are both of you willing to put forth? Does she want to change? Does she want help? Do you have the fortitude to be the anchor in her life while she goes through very serious emotional changes and problems and pitfalls on the way toward finding a good balance for herself? Because if she isn't willing to try and fix her problems with therapy and medicine and you can't deal with that, get out. If she is, but you won't have the strength to be there for her in very very dark times, get out.

[lawow74]

My best friend lived with and was married to a woman like this years ago. Those who are in her boat, who need medication, are just...broken. I'm sorry, there's no nicer way to put it. She will never be 'fixed'. She will always be like this. Your description of being emotionally drained is a common experience. My best friend said it was like living on a roller coaster, and after a while he just became numb.

It's sad, but you have to think of your own health, physical and mental as well as emotional. Let go, wish her well, and hope for the best while you find someone who is not permanently damaged as she is.

[grimsanta]

Bi-Polar disorder is not a sudden switch in moods. Not Bi-polar 1, 2, or rapid-cycling describes her behavior. Bi-polar disorder is marked by extended periods of extreme depression and mania. It sounds like she has a personality disorder, not any form of being bi-polar.

Unfortunately, many, many psychologists and psychiatrists misdiagnose it because they have no idea what they're talking about. As a person who is bi-polar 2, and who's mother is rapid-cycling, and has an uncle who is bi-polar 1, and having known the differences and what is actually required for a CORRECT diagnosis, I'm going to guess she's on meds that are doing nothing for her because they are treating the wrong thing.

[bayushisan]

Here's a thought, and this is coming from someone who actually IS mentally ill.

Talk to her. Really sit down and talk to her. Communicate. Don't come here looking for advice because mostly you'll get jackass responses like "leave her cuz it's hard". Here's a clue guys. Love isn't easy. It's hard, and you have to deal with each others' stuff and issues and who knows what else. People aren't willing to work for it anymore and that's kind of pathetic. They fold like a cheap suit at the first sign of trouble and run.

Talk to her about her medication. As her if she's heard about one called Topamax, or it's generic Topiramate. It's a mood stabalizer. I take it myself and it works better than anything I've ever had to use. If what she's currently on isn't doing the job maybe that will help; but you have to talk to her. (Granted she won't be able to drink pop if she starts taking Topamax, but that's a small price to pay for getting you're head on better. Topamax can alter the taste of pop because of the CO2 in it. It hasn't changed anything else's taste, just pop)

Give it a try with the conversation. If you really love her unconditionally and are willing to work for it, then it'll be worth it in the long run; and even if not just talk to her about the medication to help her.

[StreetHydrant]

Bi Polar disorder might be just a scam, created for the sole purpose of selling drugs. It hasn't been fully validated as of yet.

However, if she's really up and down in the mood spectrum (be it from actually being bi polar, some other reasons or perhaps the drugs she's eating) I think you should move on.

Edit: Considering it's draining you. You are your first priority, after all. Sometimes you've got to be an asshole, and I have recently learned that, after being a yes-man my whole life.