You were never taught not to take a shower during a lightning storm so you get electrocuted.
I buy the new game Beyond Earth
You were never taught not to take a shower during a lightning storm so you get electrocuted.
I buy the new game Beyond Earth
*Intelligence roll* CRITICAL FAILURE
You spent the last of your money buying the game. When the download finishes and you launch the game for the first time, your electricity goes out because you didn't pay your utility bill.
I reach into the fridge for a bottle of beer.
It doesn't just end with one beer. You keep drinking until your alcoholism destroys almost every aspect of your life. Just when you thought it can't get worse, a guy in a bar offers you some heroin. First time's for free. It doesn't take long until you're a legit junkie and to finance your new addiction you have to take more and more desperate measures.
I want to say something before this whole thing gets out of control. In 1967, in the hot desert sun, a woman gave birth to a boy in the back of old pick up. She was a whore. She left the boy at a local church. The father at the church didn't like children, but he knew that being a disciple of the bible he couldn't possibly not take the small kid. Instead he ended up taking out his frustration on the boy. At the age of three, the boy was forced to use the toilet. Let me tell you the little fell into his own pile of poop more than once. By the age of 5, the boy the boy was reading the bible and chopping wood for the fire. Despite the father's harsh character, the boy loved him and thought of him as his true father. By the age of seven the father raped him three times. The boy ran away. He survived four days in the desert by eating cactus and scorpions. He was finally found by a drug cartel boss, who took the boy in. Mr. Sanchez was his name, and he was immediately impressed by the boys intelligence and grown up attitude. Mr. Sanchez provided the boy with an education at a private prep school and a nice house. The boy had sex for the first time when he was 12, the next year he graduated high school. He was the school's star running back. The boy was lost, although he liked Mr. Sanchez, he never thought of him as his father. The boy went to India, were he became a spiritual leader of a large tribe of farmers. With his power he turned the several plots that each tribe member had into a large corporate farm and became a millionaire. His assets grew as he bought into other successful start ups. He often got ahead in business with his great leadership abilities, but once in a while he used violence. This was India after all. By the time he was 22, the boy had all the money he would ever need. So he bought a yacht and traveled the world for 10 years. For 10 years he visited every major port, slept with girls from every country imaginable, and tried every drug ever made (by nature and by man). When he was 33, he was walking on a beach in French Guiana when he met a girl of Irish - Native American decent. She bared his seed. It was boy, perfect health. He moved them to Argentina, then London, and eventually Vermont. The man was 45 now, he has seen everything, accomplished everything, tried everything. He skied down the Swiss Alps, been at the North Pole, swam with hammerheads, everything! Yet he has never done one simple thing that we all take for granted every day, he met his father. He never played catch with his father, he never talked about women with his father. He never would. He died at the age of 63 when his parachute didn?t open when he was base jumping from Dagger Mountain in Washington, USA. Over three thousand people attended his funeral.
I know what you are thinking. How does this story relate to me? Well I want you to go all the way back to the beginning of the story and remember the woman who gave birth to this incredible boy. You are like this woman. You are like this women because you are a whore now.
I write a short post on mmo-champ.
You can't stop typing words just keep pouring out of you after 3 hours you look up and you are still typing away and currently have single handedly added 10 more pages to the topic you were posting sadly once you go back and re-read what you wrote you find most of it is gibberish and had nothing to do with the topic at hand.
I go check the mail.
A cat jumps out and licks your face untill its wrinkled and you are unrecognizable.
I walk into a comic book store.
Every person you ever wanted to date sees you go in, calls you a giant nerd and then won't ever talk to you again.
I find a snail and make him my pet
And god said "Come forth and receive eternal life!" But John came fifth and won a toaster
Little did you know that the snail you find is actually the "Gastropod" mob from the Throne of Thunder raid: http://www.wowhead.com/npc=68220
He then proceeds to eat you alive, and you die.
I try to divide by zero.
Something very close to you explodes for literally no reason. Who could've guessed?
I open the kitchen door.
Space magic.
The door was your neighbors door, she is crying. You try to walk off and apologize, but she wants to tell you her life story. You end up being stuck there for 6 hours.
I enter a marathon.
You thought a Thesaurus was a book about dinosaurs after not understanding the plot of the book you give up on your dream of being a paleontologist.
I start watching Akama ga Kill!
What you are watching comes to life and you die by awesomeness.
I am swinging on a tree branch.
You create true A.I and become the first victim of a new robotic age
I say hi to my neighbor
Someone witnesses your unnatural transformation and calls the local authorities. Several days later, as you're being wheeled to the basement of some secret, underground government lab, you begin to wish you'd have listened to more Carl Douglas and less The Vapors.
I'm about to play my first game of Mafia.