If Knaak wrote the storyline for Cataclysm...

[Aldarc]

So the Calia Hastings thread has been derailed into discussions of the much hated subject of Knaak the Hack and his atrocious writing. But it had me wondering, what if Knaak wrote the storyline for the Cataclysm expansion? What delightful things would we expect apart from Rhonin defeating Deathwing with an army of raptors?

[Izhara]

Rhonin's red hair will seduce every female lore character and Varian Wrynn will tell Rhonin how awesome he is. Oh, and Tyrande will hand control of the night elves over to Maiev's long lost fifth cousin, Tri'dzz, a male Highborne rogue/hunter with glistening white hair and two scimitars.

[Basmothel]

Dalaran appears in Orgrimmar, Stormwind, Shattrath, Northrend, and the middle of the Maelstrom at once while Rhonin leads the dragon aspects against Deathwing while keeping enough peace in the world so he can cheat on his wife with hot orc chicks to knock them up with triplets, but Vareesa wouldn't care when she finds out.

And Med'an is really Deathwing.

[smartAXE]

So the Calia Hastings thread has been derailed into discussions of the much hated subject of Knaak the Hack and his atrocious writing. But it had me wondering, what if Knaak wrote the storyline for the Cataclysm expansion? What delightful things would we expect apart from Rhonin defeating Deathwing with Raptor Jesus?

fixed; and for easy purple loots :<

[Halazz]

Rhonin becomes leader of the Horde.

[Basmothel]

Rhonin becomes leader of the Horde.

This is just as believable as him becoming the leader of the Kirin Tor. Seriously.

[Izhara]

This is just as believable as him becoming the leader of the Kirin Tor. Seriously.

I'm still trying to figure that shit out. What about Khadgar, you know, that guy who trained under Medivh? Now that the Legion has been beaten back in Outland he should have taken up the mantle of Archmage if they HAD to take it away from the guy in Alterac who was the leader before WotLK. But no, unfortunately, part of Blizzard's return to lore involved shoving three unpopular characters--Rhonin, Vereesa, and Garrosh--and one controversial character--Varian--down our throats in a hamfisted effort to stimulate PvP.

[Envojus]

Rhonin IS Deathwing

[xxf2dxx]

Rhonin's red hair will seduce every female lore character and Varian Wrynn will tell Rhonin how awesome he is. Oh, and Tyrande will hand control of the night elves over to Maiev's long lost fifth cousin, Tri'dzz, a male Highborne rogue/hunter with glistening white hair and two scimitars.

Lore chars like gingers? Wat

[Basmothel]

I'm still trying to figure that shit out. What about Khadgar, you know, that guy who trained under Medivh? Now that the Legion has been beaten back in Outland he should have taken up the mantle of Archmage if they HAD to take it away from the guy in Alterac who was the leader before WotLK. But no, unfortunately, part of Blizzard's return to lore involved shoving three unpopular characters--Rhonin, Vereesa, and Garrosh--and one controversial character--Varian--down our throats in a hamfisted effort to stimulate PvP.

http://www.wowhead.com/?npc=2543

He is actually said to be the leader of the Kirin Tor. He still stands outside the crater. Blizzard just kinda forgot about him and the fact that the Kirin Tor sent Rhonin on suicide missions to get rid of him (the whole reason Day of the Dragon happened).

[Izhara]

http://www.wowhead.com/?npc=2543

He is actually said to be the leader of the Kirin Tor. He still stands outside the crater. Blizzard just kinda forgot about him and the fact that the Kirin Tor sent Rhonin on suicide missions to get rid of him (the whole reason Day of the Dragon happened).

Gotta keep sucking Knaak's celebrity, they do.

[Lotharion]

I'm still trying to figure that shit out. What about Khadgar, you know, that guy who trained under Medivh? Now that the Legion has been beaten back in Outland he should have taken up the mantle of Archmage if they HAD to take it away from the guy in Alterac who was the leader before WotLK. But no, unfortunately, part of Blizzard's return to lore involved shoving three unpopular characters--Rhonin, Vereesa, and Garrosh--and one controversial character--Varian--down our throats in a hamfisted effort to stimulate PvP.

Hey, I like Varian. The others are eh, but I'm happy to finally have a king back.

[Basmothel]

Hey, I like Varian. The others are eh, but I'm happy to finally have a king back.

Invincible and ageless ten year old boy > Varian.

You've gone and traded in an un-targetable leader for one the Horde love to kill; not to mention the defense of someone turning in The Great Masquerade. Sucks to be you.

[Deleted]

...Then the doors slammed open, and Rhonin appeared.

His fiery red hair caught the torchlight, making it shine with that lustrous sheen that truly made it a marvel to behold. He looked at the gathering from over his broken nose that he never had fixed by his own choice. His eyes flashed briefly as he noticed the grim expressions on the others' faces.

"What happened?" he asked in his rich baritone.

Jaina Proudmoore was the first to speak. "We have sensed a disturbance beneath Azeroth's crust. We fear there might be trouble brewing." "What kind of trouble?" he asked, disturbed by the words the sourceress just uttered. "We aren't sure, but it must be something dark and evil..."

Rhonin knew of only one being powerful enough to be able to cause a thing like that. "Deathwing," he muttered. The room went silent.

"Are you sure you're not mistaken, human?" asked Aethas Sunreaver, the blood elven magister. Rhonin shot him a look. "I'm certain. There is no other being strong enough."

"What shall we do!" cried Jaina in dismay. "Who can we count on in this darkest of hours?" Rhonin took a deep breath. He had had plans for an experiment, but... no, it wasn't too soon. He must do this.

"Listen, council!" he cried out. "I have a plan to create a being of power that will rival that of Deathwing himself!" He paused for a moment. "What I ask of you some of you might find unnatural, but you must listen to me. We shall combine our powers, like the Order of the Tirsfalen had once done. But this time, we shall not empower one of our own, but something quite different..."

He whistled sharply. There was a sound of claws raking at the door as he opened them. "This is what we shall empower. It is this being that shall be the bane of Deathwing! We shall be known, now and forever more, as the Order of the Pew-Pew Raptor!"

[Halazz]

The little kid made a better King in terms of diplomatic relations than varian.. even in the freaking comics.

[Izhara]

Hey, I like Varian. The others are eh, but I'm happy to finally have a king back.

I liked Varian before the comics turned him into an expy for Conan because he was something unusual among the Alliance leaders--someone who'd seen the worst the Horde had to offer (a half-orc assassin cut his father's heart out) and still disapproved of the idea to kill them all off. He was charismatic and charming without needing to flex his nuts every time an orc walked into view.

[Stormdash]

From what I can tell, if Knaak were writing Cataclysm, I'd want to race-change Stormdash to human so I, too, could share in the bounty of glorious elven tail that would fall over Stormwind like rain.

[Basmothel]

...Then the doors slammed open, and Rhonin appeared.

His fiery red hair caught the torchlight, making it shine with that lustrous sheen that truly made it a marvel to behold. He looked at the gathering from over his broken nose that he never had fixed by his own choice. His eyes flashed briefly as he noticed the grim expressions on the others' faces.

"What happened?" he asked in his rich baritone.

Jaina Proudmoore was the first to speak. "We have sensed a disturbance beneath Azeroth's crust. We fear there might be trouble brewing." "What kind of trouble?" he asked, disturbed by the words the sourceress just uttered. "We aren't sure, but it must be something dark and evil..."

Rhonin knew of only one being powerful enough to be able to cause a thing like that. "Deathwing," he muttered. The room went silent.

"Are you sure you're not mistaken, human?" asked Aethas Sunreaver, the blood elven magister. Rhonin shot him a look. "I'm certain. There is no other being strong enough."

"What shall we do!" cried Jaina in dismay. "Who can we count on in this darkest of hours?" Rhonin took a deep breath. He had had plans for an experiment, but... no, it wasn't too soon. He must do this.

"Listen, council!" he cried out. "I have a plan to create a being of power that will rival that of Deathwing himself!" He paused for a moment. "What I ask of you some of you might find unnatural, but you must listen to me. We shall combine our powers, like the Order of the Tirsfalen had once done. But this time, we shall not empower one of our own, but something quite different..."

He whistled sharply. There was a sound of claws raking at the door as he opened them. "This is what we shall empower. It is this being that shall be the bane of Deathwing! We shall be known, now and forever more, as the Order of the Pew-Pew Raptor!"

!!!

Knaak joined MMO-Champion.

Oh wait, it doesn't mention Rhonin's red hair enough. False alarm.

[Phenomina]

...Then the doors slammed open, and Rhonin appeared.

Excellent!

From what I can tell, if Knaak were writing Cataclysm, I'd want to race-change Stormdash to human so I, too, could share in the bounty of glorious elven tail that would fall over Stormwind like rain.

Human's score all the hottest Elves

Wait until they see the Draenei women! Knaack will be hosting a Stormwind wet T-shirt contest for all Draenei and Elves ;D

you would also have to break your Human's nose, they drop like flies for the rugged guys :P

[ChildeRoland]

Rhonin's red hair will seduce every female lore character and Varian Wrynn will tell Rhonin how awesome he is. Oh, and Tyrande will hand control of the night elves over to Maiev's long lost fifth cousin, Tri'dzz, a male Highborne rogue/hunter with glistening white hair and two scimitars.

Self-explanatory