Thaledrin Sunwalker Bio

[seas]

Name: Thaledrin Sunwalker
Age: 1000
Race: Blood Elf/High Elf
Gender: Male
Class: Deathknight
Personality: Stern and mysterious, forceful yet compassionate.
Likes/Dislikes: Weponry like (Swords Knifes Shuriken ETC) He hates all Dark fearful and scared creatures, he absoulutly hates Death and does not like the thought of growing old.
Appearance: Blonde yet very mysterious hair, short blond beard, pulsing green/blue eyes he keeps his head down when hes on the job.
Strengths/Weaknesses: His strenths are Unarmed/Sword training his weaknesses are dagger and shuriken hits and his main weakness is his heart if he gets stabbed in the heart he is weakened to a mentel state and is a killable target.

His saying is "don't give up and never lose hope"


Biography: When he was 10 his family passed away in a ship accedent at sea he was then taken care as a foster child when he was 15 he had a part time job a silvermoon city selling chese and wine when the war of the scourge rampaged silvermoon he had no choice but to run away, he ran and ran then he stubbeld to a town called Dalaran


He met a nearby peacekeeper and asked where he was the peacekeeper replied " you are in dalaran young lad" Thaledrin replied "hmmm never heard of this place where the azeroths name is it??" "it is in alterect mountains and look its a threatening mob comming from the east" (points over to the east) Thaledrin yelled " THATS NOT A MOB THATS A RAID OF SCOURGE AND UNDEAD!!". The people of Dalaran gave everyone a sword and sheild and then Thaledrin was converted into a mighty paladin and fought against the scourge.


The scourge won the war on Dalaran and Thaledrins dead body was left there laid to waste by the might of the scourge the next year, the Lich King had raised him as the dead and became a mortal enemy to azeroth, he was taken to the Frozen Throne in Northrend to be turned from the light but Thaledrin diddn't give up until the lich king mentioned Thaledrins family then showed him thaledrin let down his strenth to run towards them but the Lich King stopped him and turned him into one of his most powerful Death Knights.

[Theodekk]

Heh, I see something of mine in there. I hope there is more to this.

[seas]

Sorry the line was so good :P

[Garots]

I like the idea, but maybe make him a lot older. We still have that wonderful list of external sources you can use

[seas]

Just coundnt resist to put it in, do you recken it is good?

---------- Post added 2010-06-25 at 06:32 AM ----------

Garots what age would u say??

[Theodekk]

I am as new as you are, so Ill save my input, but im on par with Garots.

[seas]

mmm same

---------- Post added 2010-06-25 at 06:51 AM ----------

is that a better age Garok

---------- Post added 2010-06-25 at 07:06 AM ----------

Hello??!!

[Mistress Elizabeth]

There are so many errors in this....

First you say he's 1000 year old, that's like a really really really old high elf. Almost ancient from an age gauge someone posted once.

Then you say that at the age of 10, his family died didnt they? At the age of 15... he's selling cheese and wine? A kid trusted with merchandise in a city? The only time I've remember an NPC vendor being a child was Madame Eva's grandsons, which are in Darkshire. Maybe if he grew up in the store, helping carry a box or two when he was older (I think 15 is still SUPER young for helping at a store), but actually doing business? I don't know...

Then the way you write, I don't want to insult you or anything, but your post lacks a lot of punctuation. This following sentence in particular is confusing me:

"when he was 15 he had a part time job a silvermoon city selling chese and wine when the war of the scourge rampaged silvermoon he had no choice but to run away, he ran and ran then he stubbeld to a town called Dalaran"

You first say that he was 15, part time job at silvermoon city right? Then you keep going on the sentence and say that the scourge appeared. Did the scourge appear while he was 15? Or did you forget to mention something about him growing up more like.... 120 years? Finally, at the age of 15, he had no choice but to run through 5 in game zones and he reached Dalaran?

A high elf kid, running at the age of 15, through 5 different zones (when I think passing through one should take more than a day), managed to reach Dalaran unharmed and without food or shelter? Not to mention up next you mention he found it by mistake, so he wasn't really headed to Dalaran directly, he just ran around aimlessly and happened to stumble upon it?

And then you go with the whole "He was given a sword and shield" thing. At the age of 15, a high elf kid given a shield and sword to fight, which magically turns him into a fully fledged paladin? Sure you say later something about Dalaran falling after a year (which I don't remember from Warcraft III, but whatever) of fight with Arthas, but even if your character had been training as a paladin from the day he arrived to the day he died, he wouldn't still be a full fledged paladin (sure you don't use the words fully fledged, but you do describe him as a "mighty paladin that fought the scourge"), not to mention the fact he's still a child at the age of 15 (or 16 to that matter)

Then comes the finale. Apparently it happens like every fallen soldier turned scourge happen. He was dead on the floor, Arthas used his necrotic abilities, boom brand new Death Knight. Now here in the finale all the things I've rambled about entwine.

Arthas raised a 15-16 year old high elf.... which is practically a child.

Sure you can say Arthas would raise a child as an undead, what kind of evil father killer wouldn't do that? There's even an undead children in Stratholme... but he's kind of crazy and a ghoul... not a Death Knight.

He took him to the Frozen Throne.

Why? Why would he..

to be turned from the light but he didn't give up.

..I see, so not only is he a child, that had only 1 year of paladin training, he also needs to be taken to the Frozen Throne, for Arthas to break the will of a 15-16 year old child in order to use it...

Currently ingame, Arthas has done that in one ocassion, he had to take a Champion of the Alliance, torture him for so long (most likely he had been tortured since before heroes set foot on Ulduar), and actually never managed to break him. Arthas not being able to break the will of a 15-16 year old kid with less than a year of paladin experience would be the biggest shame of the entire scourge army, The Lich King at that time would have probably kick him out of the scourge for that.

Then finally.. His dead family that has been dead since 10 years of age all of the sudden are shown to him by the lich king, and that's how he breaks him? And not only that but once he did, he turned him into "one of his most powerful Death Knights."?

So you are comparing your high elf child to the four horsemen, to Baron Rivendare, to Instructor Razuvious (who I believed was THE strongest DK, since you are required to use his own students to even tank his attacks), to Thassarian or even Koltira?

You need a lot of work....

[The Madgod]

damn girl, you're tearing through him!

On topic, I'd like to add that at 15-16 years old, a high elf would be a toddler still. So a baby is a powerful deathknight?

---------- Post added 2010-06-25 at 09:29 AM ----------

I should add that the history really needs work. When I read it, there's a lack of flow and detail. You use three sentences, judging by your lack of punctuation.

Though I don't normally ask this if people, you're going to need to clean up the grammar use a lot. Pretty much, you may and very well have to just trash your entire history and recreate it from scratch.

[Valakin]

Name: Thaledrin Sunwalker
Age: 1000 (need to change)
Race: Blood Elf/High Elf (both? he lived in silvermoon though, right?
Gender: Male
Class: Death knight
Personality: Stern and mysterious, forceful yet compassionate.
Likes: Weaponry like (Swords Knifes Shuriken ETC)
Dislikes: He hates all dark, fearful, and scared creatures, he absolutely hates death and does not like the thought of growing old.
Appearance: Blond yet very mysterious hair, short blond beard, pulsing green/blue eyes. He keeps his head down when hes on the job.
Strengths/Weaknesses: His strengths are unarmed/sword training. His weaknesses are dagger and shuriken hits and his main weakness is his heart if he gets stabbed in the heart he is weakened to a mental state and is a kill-able target. (a mental state? What?)

His saying is "Don't give up and never lose hope."


Biography: When he was 10 (<--change this) his family passed away in a ship accident at sea. Because of this, he was taken care of as a foster child. When he was 15 (change the age) he had a part time job in Silvermoon City selling cheese and wine. When the war of the scourge rampaged Silvermoon, he had no choice but to run away. He ran and ran then he stumbled upon a town named Dalaran.


He met a nearby peacekeeper and asked where he was. The peacekeeper replied, "You are in Dalaran young lad"
Thaledrin replied, "Hmmm never heard of this place. Where the Azeroth's name (are you trying to curse with this?) is it??" "It is in Alterac mountains and look its a threatening mob coming from the east." The peacekeeper pointed to the east. Thaledrin yelled "THAT'S NOT A MOB! THAT'S A RAID OF SCOURGE AND UNDEAD!! (I think this is stupid)". The people of Dalaran gave everyone a sword and shield and then Thaledrin was converted (Are you serious?) into a mighty paladin and fought against the scourge.


The scourge won the war on Dalaran (they did? Oh really?) and Thaledrin's dead body was left there laid to waste by the might of the scourge. The next year, the Lich King had raised him as an undead and he became a mortal enemy to Azeroth. He was taken to the Frozen Throne in Northrend to be turned from the light but Thaledrin didn't give up until the Lich king mentioned Thaledrin's family. The Lich King then showed him his family, and Thaledrin let down his strength to run towards them, but the Lich King stopped him and turned him into one of his most powerful Death Knights. (Again, what the heck?)

I corrected most if not all of your spelling. I also added some comments, though these are less than half of my comments. I agree with what Elizabeth said.

[Garots]

Did you also fix the entire run-on sentence thing?


I'm not the greatest at ripping people open, so I am glad we have Lizzy for that

[mosher94]

Not to mention that my pally's last name is Sunwalker, you stole it

15 years of age I doubt he'd be able to walk more than a few yards. Pretty much everything Elizabeth said.

Also, 1000 years is about... 600 years past the maximum life time for a blood elf.
Lifespans

[Aramore]

I was gonna mention the stolen surname...

It's the same guy that had the Human DK that was 20,000 DK years old... I think he's just a troll that's acting slightly more convincing now.

[Theodekk]

If you look at my Character Niklaus' bio you'll see the similarities.

[Garots]

Ok, locking. Bad troll is bad.