Let me just start by saying this is about some stuff in my life, kinda a vent, kinda for feedback from others, and kinda just because i cant sit still personally. For everyone that feels the need to post things against it, thanks for wasting time. For those that actually read it all and respond, thanks in advance.
Ill just start by saying that i am currently a freshman in college. There is a girl that i have had a crush on since freshman year of highschool, and she has had one back, both of us being on and off. Usually whenever i get over her and try to move on with life something brings me back to liking her again and i just cant help it. I had a nice little chat with her and she asked how i felt about her and i basically told her, and she had mentioned maybe possibly starting a relationship up since we were hanging out over the weekend. After hanging out she decided she just wanted to stay friends, which is understandable, but i just cant help myself to thinking something is wrong. Multiple times have we talked about liking eachother, and about having a relationship, and everytime it gets down to it its just back to being friends. Dont get me wrong, she is an awesome friend, and i wouldnt give that up for anything, but i just want to stop the tug of war on my emotions. I was thinking about talking to her about it, but its a bit late for that right now, and i just cant help myself to think that something is wrong, or im doing something wrong. its been about 5 years of this, and it just keeps repeating itself in a cycle. I dont know why but i just cant get my mind off of her at all, and all i can think about is how much i actually like her. ive tried the whole college thing, and getting away, starting new, but it just isnt what i want. Ive been told that if i really like her and think she is worth it, then the time spent waiting will be worth it..but its just becoming too painful to bare. i cant eat whenever i think about it (nothing serious though) and i feel nauseous. overall, i just dont know what to do....i want to do something about it, but losing her as a friend just wouldnt be what i want. i doubt i would lose her as a friend if i brought it up, but it would be difficult to do, but i plan on it eventually. i probably wont see her in person again until this semester is over for summer break, so the only means of communication would be phone calls, texts, and skype. Sorry if things seem to ramble on, i just kinda typed and let it go.