Originally Posted by
Erin
What?! What are you even...
We all have feelings for all sorts of people. People we should be into, people we really shouldn't, single people, married people, whatever, that's life. You can't just throw away a connection you've made with someone because of that.
If you break off your friendship because you have feelings for her, what's going to happen is she's going to be angry at you ("why did you wait so long to tell me, why do you have to be attracted to me, can't you understand im trying to make things work with my boyfriend") then withdraw from you. You'll feel all self righteous and like you've done the proper thing, even though you feel sick to your stomach for having done it... for about a day. Maybe two days, tops. After that, you'll realise you've just upset a friend for no reason other than your own selfishness, at which point you'll feel so ashamed you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. You'll try to make friends with her again, or at least relax your "keeping distance between us" policy, but it won't quite work. Either she'll keep pushing you away, or even if she doesn't, it'll just never feel quite right again. You've created something beautiful, a connection between you and another person and you care deeply about her and she probably does about you too. Don't sabotage it. Those connections are the most important thing in the world. Especially don't sabotage it for selfish reasons, because it seems like you're thinking you're wanting to do the right thing, but what it looks like is you're doing it in a way that gives her an ultimatum that's not really an ultimatum.
If you actually just wanted to distance yourself from her because you want to let her get on with her life, you could do that in so many ways that would be less destructive. You could just not say anything and let yourselves grow apart. People do that all the time, it's not difficult, you just say you're busy every time they ask to hang out or see you. If you don't wanna do that, you could just make up a reason. Any reason. But you've decided you're going to tell her the truth, knowing that that's going to probably upset her the most. Which means you either want to hurt her, which I doubt, or you really want to give her the choice. An ultimatum. You're not saying "i have to be apart from you", you're saying "im into you, and im trying to force you to choose between your boyfriend and me" and like, that not cool. Maybe it doesn't feel like it, but look at the situation, it's exactly what you're doing. You're making her either choose her boyfriend over you, and say goodbye, or get rid of her boyfriend and run away with you. I mean, ask yourself. If you said all your stuff to her, and she turned round all like "oh my gosh i thought you'd never say that to me! i love you! let's be together!" would you really say no? because if not, you're not doing this for honest reasons. Even if you would say no, it's still a shitty way of going about it.
If you really want to be apart from her, don't tell her why. Telling her is only going to make her feel worse. A better idea though?: You have a friend, who is having a difficult time with her partner, and probably needs a lot of support right now from people who care about her. Stop thinking with your cock for like 5 minutes, and just be her friend. Support her. Help her out with her relationship troubles and you'll have made her happy, made her boyfriend happy, and gotten yourself a close friendship with someone who values you. I know it sucks when you're into someone and it's like you don't even exist to them romantically, but again that's just life. We've all gotta deal with it. You're not an animal that needs to go around fucking everything it sees, just put your feelings for her to one side and be a friend. Before long, she'll just BE your friend, and your romantic feelings for her will probably fade, and everything will be awesome.