Told my best friend I was in love with her..what now?

[Rexosaurus]

Unless you're a teenager? um, on what planet do teenagers know how to just let things go back to normal when something like love or sex is involved?

I'm assuming that he's talking about the fact that teenagers throw the word around for pretty much everyone they're dating. It doesn't really mean much in that case.

At least that's how I remember it being in my high school.

[oplawlz]

God, I remember being that young. More people need to understand the simple truths of life, like don't shit where you eat. You find a good friend, why ruin it? Stick it in one of the other BILLIONS of females (or males) on the planet.

[Wyrt]

Going from friends to "I love you" is a big step. Next time try a date first and don't just go all in on the big love proposal. Even if that's how you feel, it can be a big put off for someone and it's a lot for them to process.

[Tennis]

Did you even read the part where they were just platonic friends for years before he developed feelings? Perhaps any of the same reasons that she was friends with him during those YEARS would be reason enough to want to be friends with him.

As he even stated, he told her as a means of saying, "If you don't feel the same way, that's fine, I understand, I just want to know so I can put to bed any ideas of this being something and can move on from this so we can go back to being platonic friends as we've been for years".

By your logic, it is like having a single bad date with a girl and saying, "Guess I should just be gay". Forsaking everything you had before because of what could honestly be a brief moment of emotion is ridiculous.

Now, if they tried to be friends and after a while, either he couldn't ever get those feelings to go away and was trying to convince her to go out with him/passive aggressively making comments about his feelings for her/something like that, or she just couldn't get over the fact that he had feelings even after they went away (say if he met someone and ended up in a serious relationship with the other girl), then sure .... "hope is lost" as you.

We're only hearing his side of things.

He claims they were really close but who knows?

Being friends for years don't mean that much. Could have just been acquaintances from high school and college.

Beyond all of that though, best friends with a girl is silly. That pretty much never happens. I know a lot of people and their bffs are you know..not someone who could become a love interest.

[oxymoronic]

Find a new friend, period.

You burnt it, it's over. While geting out of the friendzone is possible, it's certainly NOT by doing stupid love declarations. And I'm not trying to be mean, I was in the same situation a loooooong time ago, did the same stupid thing and learned from it.

I'm a strong advocate of male/female deep friendship not being possible (yeah sure some very specific brother/sister kind of relationship is possible, but the true one with no hidden feelings are rare as fuck). If you like a girl a lot, find her cute, friendly, share things, want to spend time with her, you will fall for her in the end eventually, or the opposite she will fall for you in the same situation.

pretty much this

but some people love lying to themselves

[Deleted]

If she won't talk to you after doing what she fully knows to be hard thing to do and even after you said you'd fully understand if she didn't feel the same way she wasn't your friend to begin with.

Though I'd say give it a week or 2-3...it's pretty natural to avoid confrontation of issues.

- - - Updated - - -

God, I remember being that young. More people need to understand the simple truths of life, like don't shit where you eat. You find a good friend, why ruin it? Stick it in one of the other BILLIONS of females (or males) on the planet.

If we could stop loving people at sheer power of will we wouldn't have this issue to begin with.

[Lane]

Told her how I felt, and that if she didn't feel similarly that it was fine; I would just need alittle time to heal and that I still wanted to be her best friend. Unfortunately, it seems to have gone worse than I would have thought. She hasn't really talked to me since then, and said that she wasn't sure if she could still see me the same way.

You've said you'd need time to heal if rejected, so it would be rather insensitive if she didn't give you the space to do that. The problem is if she thinks she's giving you space and you think you're giving her space then neither of you know when to contact each other. As for not seeing you the same way, she might feel like she can't be as candid with you anymore. Hopefully she'll clarify that at some point.

[igualitarist]

It amazes me how some people are completely indifferent to the emotional suffering of a man. Or how some people think that a man puts himself in the friend zone, as if love could not happen in the most unexpected ways and moments. Or how its a "sin" a man loving a woman who does not love him.

Ive been in OP's situation as well when i was younger. The best thing to do is:

1 - Do not masturbate to her, really, it may sounds creepy as hell, but we do this when we are deeply attracted to a woman. Stop making your brain associate her image to sexual pleasure.

2 - Do not feed romantic thoughts and expectations with her

3 - Spend more time with your hobbies, doing whatever you like. Keep your mind busy.

4 - Spend more time with friends

5 - Meet another girls

6 - Avoid doing things that will make you remind her, like listening songs she likes, or watching tv shows she watches.

Do all those 6 steps and you will notice how time will do its job, and slowly she will be vanishing from your mind and heart.

If by any chance you dont manage to follow those steps and forget her, harsher measures will need to be taken. And by this i mean completely remove her from your life. Delete her number, e-mail, facebook contact and even avoid goind to places she goes to.

If she does not want a romantic relationship with you, the worst thing you can do is to try to prove her you are worth her love, or to show her how loyal is your friendship. Really, those things will never allow you to heal and to overcome this and will not convince her. In those situations you should prioritize your own life and keep distance from her.

[Tennis]

God, I remember being that young. More people need to understand the simple truths of life, like don't shit where you eat. You find a good friend, why ruin it? Stick it in one of the other BILLIONS of females (or males) on the planet.

Riight. So this guy is so desirable that he can get any of the other 3.7 billion females out there?

[Heladys]

Love? What the actual fuck. Way to piss gasoline all over your friendship and then light it up.

[Doctor Amadeus]

As long as you don't unzip your pants during Hot Yoga you're fine.

[lockedout]

You should have known she wasn't into you when she friendzoned you in the first place. Go find some guy friends. Who the hell wants to hang out with a girl and have to listen to her bitching unless you are banging her.

This guy bangs.

[Speaknoevil]

So here's the situation: I've known this girl for years. We became really close after a tough period for both of us, but have always kept things platonic. I was happy with the friendship and did not want anything more, and as far as I knew, she felt the same. In recent months however, I started to feel that something more. Fast forward a little, I finally admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with her, and struggled with the question of whether I should tell her or not.

I was almost 100% certain she only saw me as her best friend, and part of my intention of telling her was to find out for sure, so that I would stop wondering and move on. I also thought that she would not appreciate me feeling all this and not saying anything. Most of all, I wanted to protect the friendship, and despite worrying at first that telling her would break it outright, figured that our years of friendship would not be so easily broken.

So I went ahead and did it a couple of days ago. Told her how I felt, and that if she didn't feel similarly that it was fine; I would just need alittle time to heal and that I still wanted to be her best friend. Unfortunately, it seems to have gone worse than I would have thought. She hasn't really talked to me since then, and said that she wasn't sure if she could still see me the same way. I am wrecked, to say the least. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I might lose someone really precious to me.

Just seeking some advice and maybe a kind word or two, especially from other girls who have had this happen to them. I'm not pushing her to respond in any way, but since she won't say anything about this I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling about this.

I've had this happen. Say you'll never bring it up again, mean it. Say that the friendship is worth more to you than romance and you won't be weird or jealous around other people she dates, mean it.

With how many dudes act like they want to be your friend, only to blindside you with confession or trying to get in your pants.. or act entitled to some kind of physical attention for being a friend, or act like being friends is A BAD THING that they don't want to be.. shit is obnoxious.

I'm bi and I have like 10 friends(men and women) that I wouldn't seeing naked, but I never profess love because it spoils something that can last a lifetime.

[Mormolyce]

Well it's better to come out and be honest about your feelings rather than keep them quiet and nurse them in secret forever. If you lose a friend out of it, so be it.

You should have known she wasn't into you when she friendzoned you in the first place. Go find some guy friends. Who the hell wants to hang out with a girl and have to listen to her bitching unless you are banging her.

According to the OP's story he wasn't "friend zoned", he only intended to be friends from the start.

P.S. Are you going to respond to my bet or what?

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This guy bangs.

I assumed his avatar was satire but now I'm not sure.

[xcitng]

You should have known she wasn't into you when she friendzoned you in the first place. Go find some guy friends. Who the hell wants to hang out with a girl and have to listen to her bitching unless you are banging her.

this guy knows whats up

[Eldar45]

I'd say best hope is to give her a few weeks and then invite her to do something fun that you used to do. Just act like it didn't happen.

[Jotaux]

It's better to find out now than be pining over her for the rest of your life.

[Stormspark]

It's better to find out now than be pining over her for the rest of your life.

Yep exactly. This way might cause pain in the short term, but you won't be burdened with "what ifs" for the rest of your life.

That said, I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet. Wait until she talks to you again.

[Rukario]

You should have known she wasn't into you when she friendzoned you in the first place. Go find some guy friends. Who the hell wants to hang out with a girl and have to listen to her bitching unless you are banging her.

I wouldn't put it with those words...but you hit the nail on the head, at least i can't imagine how a straight man can truly be friends with a girl.
Also...it doesn't take ages to think that kind of thing through if she was even into you she would have let you know right there.

[LoLcano]

I'm assuming that he's talking about the fact that teenagers throw the word around for pretty much everyone they're dating. It doesn't really mean much in that case.

At least that's how I remember it being in my high school.

Exactly my point