Ever since I can remember, I've had a very unrealistic set of standards I have for people to have a romantic relationship for me. It's glaringly obvious, even to me, that this is simply a defense mechanism: If you set the bar so high that no one can reach, you won't get hurt.
Generally speaking, I'm okay with just about anyone when it comes to a friendship basis. I'm always reaching out to people and trying to make acquaintances or friends. I have a motto I tell the people around me "You will probably have an issue with me LONG before I have an issue with you". With that being said, I do have people I dislike, but they really have to have personally wronged me in order for me to hate them.
I feel as if I'm at a point in my life where I need to spread my 'wings' and pursue an amorical relationship. If I wait any longer, my inexperience will greatly hinder my ability to find someone suitable, but I don't think I can do this without getting over my 'list' first. Problem is, this list has made my standards of people border on being downright shallow.
For sake of clarity, here's my list of standards, and what flaws I feel they have:
- I'm a very visual person, and will judge people on their looks without even thinking of it. Some of my best friends did not pass my initial 'visual' test, so I'm very aware that beauty is only skin deep. I'm also a 4-6 (might be rounding up or down, trying not to be biased or vain) so I can't necessarily expect to score a solid 10.
- I have a very strong sense of self, which can often be mistaken for narcissism or vanity. When meeting new people, I compulsively compare them to myself, and whether they are superior, inferior, or equal to me. Also, people will tell me a sad story, and I will give them a story of mine to give them insight on their story. I am aware that talking about yourself so often makes people resentful of you. I believe the issue here is the amount of selfishness I've been allotted, and if I am put in a situation where I care more about someone or something else, my narcissism will mellow out.
- I'm fear rejection, as it poisons my ego. I've taken the easy route here to avoid rejection, by saying "well, if someone asks ME out, I'll go, but I'm not asking ANYONE" but as a guy, it is my duty to ask someone out, according to social stereotypes.
- It's very hard for me to simply let things happen, because I am unable to relax for any reason, and I over think simple thoughts. If approached with a romantic situation, I tense up, and can't be casual about anything without sounding like a pretentious douchebag.
- I'm fairly observant and analytical. It takes me about 4 seconds to run someone I meet down my list, assess their intelligence, and compare it to mine. It used to be a running joke with some of my old friends, where they would ask "okay, so what was wrong with that guy?" after passing someone in the mall, to which I would have about 10 different things I noticed about them, all in like a 4 second encounter.
Our society puts such a high strain on judging people based on any proverbial flaw they might have, that it's hard for me to catch when I'm being judgmental or unrealistically shallow. I have to do a lot of introspection in order to stop myself from being rude to someone based on my snap judgements of them.
Keep in mind, I'm not necessarily looking for relationship help here. I feel as if I need to work out my interpersonal issues before I can effectively function in a 2-part relationship. I just want to hear ya'lls take on my situation.