Is weight gain grounds for divorce/ultimatum?

[Mistame]

Not directly no, but it is the clear implications of your stance.

Your misinterpretations are irrelevant.

It is quite literally not ... have you even read what you post?

Have you?

"Love" is caring for someone.

To care for someone is to feel affection for them. To "love" someone is to feel affection for them. You can argue differences in degrees, but in the end, they're the same thing.

No, it is quite clear someone saying they love someone on the first date is mistaken ... so it is more than just what they individually feel.

Straw man. The only person that gets to decide whether they "love" someone is that person. There are no rules or conditions that dictate that decision other than how they feel.

Again, evidence you aren't even paying attention to your own arguments.

Again, evidence that your reading comprehension sucks.

My point is not that someone will cease loving someone they left but rather that if you cease wanting to be with someone because of a single aspect, you didn't love them.

I know what your point is and I'm saying that it's wrong.

This topic is about specifically, if your partner gains weight ... is it justifiably to leave them? That's it ... not gain weight because they were lazy, not gain weight for any reason. Just the simple fact of gaining weight. It does even states "got fat" just gained weight.

And yet you've been making the same argument about something arguably more important, sex. Here's a reality check: There's no such thing as unconditional love, at least in the context of an intimate partner. Furthermore, there's no such thing as an unconditional relationship. Relationships are effectively emotional agreements. By being in a relationship, you agree to meet the needs of your partner, to the best of your ability. If for any reason, you can't meet those needs, your partner is well within their rights to end the relationship or have those needs met elsewhere. "Love", regardless of how you define it, is utterly irrelevant.

If you dumped someone because they gained weight and that reason alone ... you never actually loved them.

This is conjecture.

Do you consider The Old Republic a children's game? If you literally just googled what I wrote, it is like one of if not the first responses.

Why would I google something that sounds like some teenage meme garbage? Also, "This is a quote."

[Spectral]

if you get married for looks and looks alone, you probably shouldnt get married. ever.

Weight gain speaks to more than just appearance. That said, appearance actually is a big factor in picking a partner and should be.

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That's it ... not gain weight because they were lazy, not gain weight for any reason. Just the simple fact of gaining weight. It does even states "got fat" just gained weight.

Which, naturally, people are frequently addressing from the perspective of the most frequent causes of weight gain, which really are sloth and gluttony. Yes, of course, there's something to be said for hypotheticals that involve medical issues, but most people that get fat basically just don't really move around much and eat too much.

[Freighter]

if you get married for looks and looks alone, you probably shouldnt get married. ever.

Nobody gets married based on looks alone but looks play a big part in attraction to someone, unless you have no standards.

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Which, naturally, people are frequently addressing from the perspective of the most frequent causes of weight gain, which really are sloth and gluttony. Yes, of course, there's something to be said for hypotheticals that involve medical issues, but most people that get fat basically just don't really move around much and eat too much.

Even with hypothyroidism it's just a matter of maybe 5-10% of the weight that can be attributed to having hypothyroidism. It's not something that would magically make you weigh 150 kg when normal weight for you should be like 60-70 kg, that's solely down to bad habits.

[Wyrt]

If you're going to give an ultimatum over that you may as well just get a divorce. The message it sends is "I only married you for your looks" and that's just not going to do anything good for your marriage.

Maybe try having an adult conversation about the weight gain instead. Express concern for their health and offer to go exercise with them. Also try to find if there's any underlying reason for the increased weight, such as depression.

Or you can just be a child and scream "Do what I want or I'm taking my toys and leaving!"

[Whitedragon]

Say you met your significant other and over time he or she let go of themselves...

Is that grounds for a divorce or at least an ultimatum?

Let me know.

I think their needs to be a few more options, but ignoring that I will say no. Yes a drastic change in wight can put a strain on any relationship (As can other things like picking up smoking or turning into an excessive spender), but both parties should most definitely be open to shearing what makes them uncomfortable, they should also be willing to help the other make the changes because everything is easier as a team. Lastly if in the event they can't fully change for what ever reason, they are still the person you loved and if they put in their best to at least try and change I could never detach my self from them.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Since the question is extremely vague, of course it is in some cases. Not only does it chage the other person's sex-appeal, but the gained weight might also lead a more seditatry life style, which might lead to more health issues or discrepancies in interests. People divorce for less every single day. That doesn't mean you should flip your shit for a few kilogramms, but appearance plays a role in relationships, denying that is just lying to yourself and everyone else.

[Darththeo]

Your misinterpretations are irrelevant.

If I am misinterpreting you, that is actually on you.

Have you?

"Love" is caring for someone.

To care for someone is to feel affection for them. To "love" someone is to feel affection for them. You can argue differences in degrees, but in the end, they're the same thing.

And you literally just proved my point.

Straw man. The only person that gets to decide whether they "love" someone is that person. There are no rules or conditions that dictate that decision other than how they feel.

It's not. I took your argument to an extreme that is still valid. Feelings don't determine reality. There are numerous cases I can list where a person can claim they love someone but in reality do not. Just because you think, feel or believe you love someone doesn't mean you do. You claim I have a Disney Princess definition ... dude, this literally you arguing for how love is defined in at least one Disney movie. Did you say that a 13 year old girl's romanticized definition of love was bullshit ... you are literally arguing for that here now.

Again, evidence that your reading comprehension sucks.

Says the person arguing caring and love are the same thing, and then arguing it's not when it suits them.

I know what your point is and I'm saying that it's wrong.

All evidence to the contrary.

And yet you've been making the same argument about something arguably more important, sex. Here's a reality check: There's no such thing as unconditional love, at least in the context of an intimate partner. Furthermore, there's no such thing as an unconditional relationship. Relationships are effectively emotional agreements. By being in a relationship, you agree to meet the needs of your partner, to the best of your ability. If for any reason, you can't meet those needs, your partner is well within their rights to end the relationship or have those needs met elsewhere. "Love", regardless of how you define it, is utterly irrelevant.

Accuses me of straw man ... straw mans argument. I am not arguing for unconditional love. You are correct there is no such thing. I never claimed there was, given you claimed you know my argument and then immediately straw mans after that is kind of funny. You literally cut out a portion of where I can understand someone falling out of love with someone ... I am arguing if it is specifically just looks, that you never actually loved them.

This is conjecture.

Don't use words you don't understand. We are arguing for a hypothetical case where appearance is the only factor, therefor my opinion here is on a hypothetical where we know all the information involved.

Why would I google something that sounds like some teenage meme garbage? Also, "This is a quote."

Well, it had been meme'd. It's from a Star Wars game ... it is hard to find something from Star Wars that hasn't been meme'd. Also, memes are a part of culture, if you view them as garbage, I honestly pity you.

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Which, naturally, people are frequently addressing from the perspective of the most frequent causes of weight gain, which really are sloth and gluttony. Yes, of course, there's something to be said for hypotheticals that involve medical issues, but most people that get fat basically just don't really move around much and eat too much.

Except aging causes weight gain, having children causes weight gain, having a sedentary stressful job causes weight gain, etc ... They didn't specify "got fat" or "became obese" ... just simply gained weight.

[insert random number]

Until death do them apart.

If one chooses to get married, they should face the consequences as well.

You shifted the goalposts. We were discussing "true love" and now you're quoting a marriage contract.

Marriage and love are two separate things which can coexist but don't have to.

With the amount of divorces that happen it's evident that a lot of people break that contract. I think it's unrealistic vow but it makes a good goal to strife for. I'm not suggesting that you should drop your partner at the first sign of trouble. Just to give you an example my expartner started smoking after we where together for around 3 years. I broke up with her 4 years later and smoking wasn't the sole reason. I've never been married, but when i'm in a serious relationship I aspire to grow old with my partner. However if I grow unhappy in my relationship and have tried through various means to turn it around and it hasn't worked I refuse to condemn myself to a relationship where i'm unhappy.

Staying together just for the sake of upholding your wedding vows or in my case my personal aspiration seems like an unhealthy choice.

[Kumorii]

makes about as much sense as wanting a divorce because your partner isn't 28 years old anymore

That comparison makes no sense. You can't stay young. You can stay at the same weight.

[zlygork]

I wouldn't say it's the biggest or least superficial factor, but yes. Despite what some would claim, sexuality IS an important part of a sexual relationship, and sadly one can become unattracted to a person that gains a lot of weight. That said, if you act like an asshole as soon as your S/O gains 10 pounds, or pressure them to "lose weight faster" when they already demostrated intent and effort towards losing weight, I don't think you'd be being reasonable.

[LilSaihah]

Whoa, neck and neck.

Honestly I'd say yeah. Romantic relationships up to and including marriage almost always include the expectation of physical intimacy. If your captain doesn't salute because your wife's become a landwhale, the relationship's in serious trouble.

[smegmage]

No fat chicks on this ride.

[Ghostpanther]

Weight gain speaks to more than just appearance. That said, appearance actually is a big factor in picking a partner and should be.

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I think his point was, if your love is based primarily on looks, ( which some confuse love with lust. ) than you should not get married, because no one is going to look the same after decades of getting older. I married a person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. For better or worse, was part of my vows. The worse could easily be applied to looks also.

[Spectral]

I think his point was, if your love is based primarily on looks, ( which some confuse love with lust. ) than you should not get married, because no one is going to look the same after decades of getting older. I married a person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. For better or worse, was part of my vows. The worse could easily be applied to looks also.

Right, but my objection here is that people are treating weight gain as though it doesn't relate to anything other than appearance. Everyone expects appearance to generally degrade with age, but weight gain also indicates a suite of bad habits and a disregard for even attempting to be attractive to your partner.

[Rexosaurus]

Right, but my objection here is that people are treating weight gain as though it doesn't relate to anything other than appearance. Everyone expects appearance to generally degrade with age, but weight gain also indicates a suite of bad habits and a disregard for even attempting to be attractive to your partner.

I gotta say that I agree with this viewpoint. Obviously this is all assuming that the weight is coming from over-indulgence or laziness.

Self care and a fairly active lifestyle are important to me and I look for that in all of my partners. If my girlfriend suddenly became lazy and started putting on an unhealthy amount of weight, then I would definitely call her out and be like "Hey, what's going on with you?", and I absolutely know that she would do the same for me. She once twisted my arm to get me back into my gym routine after I started a new job and it definitely helped me get back on track.

If people want to love their spouse unconditionally then that's totally fine for them. That said, I think it's rude to assume that a person doesn't truly love someone just because they have a different way of caring for each other, or because they are willing to set standards for each other. I personally like to have relationships where we push each other to improve ourselves a little.

[justandulas]

50% of the poll obviously don't understand the vows they take. I'm not a religious man at all either, but for life means for life (short of infidelity)

Weight gain is definitely not a consideration in divorce for GOOD people. Otherwise, pregnant women would get divorced like clockwork after the 2nd/3rd kid. Jeez some very selfish people here.

Looks fade over time.

[Adviceanon]

If you're going to give an ultimatum over that you may as well just get a divorce. The message it sends is "I only married you for your looks" and that's just not going to do anything good for your marriage.

Maybe try having an adult conversation about the weight gain instead. Express concern for their health and offer to go exercise with them. Also try to find if there's any underlying reason for the increased weight, such as depression.

Or you can just be a child and scream "Do what I want or I'm taking my toys and leaving!"

When I met my gf 5 years ago she was 40lbs lighter. No kids and no significant changes. She just smokes a lot of weed and eats a lot of junk food. At the same time I've lost 50lbs since we met. My heaviest was 250 and now I'm around 202. I tried getting her involved and having her go with me once a week but she complains that it hurts her leg, and when I explain to her that it's the weight gain likely causing that pain she gets very emotional and breaks down crying, asking me if she's not good enough, that if I really loved her I'd like her the way she is. The problem is I liked her the way she was lol years ago.

I'm worried this trend is going to continue. I haven't given up yet though and I'm hoping that my final form will be the motivation she needs when she sees I can take my shirt off and not feel embarrassed. Maybe jealousy will be a good motivator.

[Sunseeker]

Jesus the men in this thread are so fucking pathetic.

"My girl got fat but at the same time I became a totally ripped stud who gets all the ladies, maybe that fat bitch I'm suck with will change her ways if I start cheating on her!"

Fucking Christ.

[Adviceanon]

lmao relax incel

[White Goodman1]

I guess you have weekly weigh ins for your partner. What is it, 3 fails and you are out?