How do you break up with someone? What’s the best way?

[Beloren]

What’s the best way to break up with someone without hurting thwm? Someone I’m in love with I have just realised works so much better with their ex who came to visit. The way they interact and get on, as much as I hate it, they could never be like that with me. So free, so open and they get on so well. He ticks all the boxes and the only reason they didn’t work out the first time wa because he wa forced to move out off the country. But won a case recently that allows him back and he is back. They get on so well. My partner is thinking of going to visit him, wants me to come, but I know it’s just courtesy.

This is perhaps time to cut my losses and let them reconnect, I feel like staying isblike standing in nature’s way. Utter 3rd wheel, it sucks, but they do get on so well together. I feel like the one who they settled for because the first choice wasn’t available at the tine. What do I do?

How do I break it up tactfully

[Independent voter]

Are you jealous of this dude? He's an 'ex' for a reason I would think.

[Fincayra]

if he gets on well with her, then more than likely he will end up cheating. I'd say stay around till u catch it, then you can end it with no baggage.

[Molis]

Its not you its me

[Gorgodeus]

That is easy. Bang their best friend.

[Vizardlorde]

just tell your partner your reasoning for the break up and as long as you are not cheating and your partner is not psychotic they should understand.

[Cosmic Janitor]

How about you just ask her (?) if that is what she wants? If she says yes you have an easier time breaking up, especially if the signs are already there.

[Bronan]

This is the most idiotic reason to break up, I have ever seen.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Honestly you sound like a REALLY GOOD GUY man, but I will say don't put this on her if you break up, I would do a couple of things.

If it was me depends on the kind of relationship I had with her.

If it's just a straightforward kind of thing then that'd how I would do it. I would make it clear I am not happy in our relationship, and honestly she seems a lot better with her ex.

If I did it another way, I would set some time a part and explain what I saw and how I felt then end it.


But bottom line in that situation, I would have to end it if I felt the way you do.

[Beloren]

Few key things you should know about the situation.

1. They are totally out of my league, it is some stroke of luck I managed to get a 10 interested
2. Says I’m cute, but I think it’s just because they are nice. I’m thinking I’m only around cos I’m the safe and comfortable option.
3. I’m also the nice guy. Like I’m really nice. I just can’t be nasty or a bad boy and chicks always dig the bad boys. The nice guy is never picked by the hot girl as 1st choice and usually the rebound option - I feel like that. and I can help being me. Cant help being sweet and nice. Even tried to change bug couldn’t. I’m not wired to be a prick.
4. I’m totally in love. So much so, I’m willing to let the person go because I know them with their ex would truly make them happy v
5. I’m very new and poor at relationships. My longest has been 4 months. And that was 2 yrs ago. So I don’t know any tricks or ways except honesty from the heart which always seems to cause the break ups

[Krysara]

This is the most idiotic reason to break up, I have ever seen.

This is the only sensible thing that has been said so far in this thread. I even registered an account just to post! (long time lurker..)

You could be blowing this up to be bigger than what it actually is, without realising how well you get on. It takes time to break down walls between two people, even if you click instantly, you still have to build trust together.

Give it time and see if things improve, so long as things constantly improve and you open up more and more doors, there's nothing to worry about. Give it some time and think about it for a week or so before doing anything brash.

- - - Updated - - -

Few key things you should know about the situation.

1. They are totally out of my league, it is some stroke of luck I managed to get a 10 interested
2. Says I’m cute, but I think it’s just because they are nice. I’m thinking I’m only around cos I’m the safe and comfortable option.
3. I’m also the nice guy. Like I’m really nice. I just can’t be nasty or a bad boy and chicks always dig the bad boys. The nice guy is never picked by the hot girl as 1st choice and usually the rebound option - I feel like that. and I can help being me. Cant help being sweet and nice. Even tried to change bug couldn’t. I’m not wired to be a prick.
4. I’m totally in love. So much so, I’m willing to let the person go because I know them with their ex would truly make them happy v
5. I’m very new and poor at relationships. My longest has been 4 months. And that was 2 yrs ago. So I don’t know any tricks or ways except honesty from the heart which always seems to cause the break ups

&& I was just like you and now me and my fiancé have been going strong for 6 years, nobody is good at relationships to begin with, it takes work and willingness to make it work.

[brimdog]

i feel like you are projecting.

[Doomislav]

Why do so many guys seem apologetic for being a good guy? If you are a good guy, BE A GOOD GUY! Do you and let the chips fall.

[-aiko-]

Text her.


/cackle

[Crissi]

Text her.


/cackle

Had an ex break up with me over WoW >.>

Anyways sounds like OP has a confidence issue. If you're not willing to fix that OP then just break up with her face to face asap. Insecurity dooms relationships and you seem to be insecure in yours

[Celista]

Preemptively breaking up with someone because you're jealous of your partner's ex/suspicious of cheating (with what sounds like zero evidence)? I think you should go to counseling for your communication, trust and self-esteem issues.

[Viconia]

Real talk is the way to go. Say how you feel and what you've decided. If they don't put much effort to fight you then your view is correct. If they'll reconnect with the ex, they won't be too hurt and if you want to stay in contact, real honest talk shows respect enough that it might be possible.

[Cedon]

Couple of things to note...


You seem to be basing this off of the fact she has an ex and they don't hate each other. They even.. *GASP* get along! So what? In my view, that's a sign of maturity on both their parts and not reflective of hind-sight or regret in breaking up.

As others point out, he's her ex for a reason. He might "tick all the boxes" but that might also be boring for her. The imperfections you're seeing in yourself by way of comparison might be exactly why she's with you rather than him.

Ultimately, don't go looking for trouble. Because you WILL find it. If she is not giving any sign of wanting to get back with this guy, leave well-enough alone. She's with you now and you like her so enjoy it and go down the road you're on and see where it takes you. It might take you to the altar, it might take you somewhere else. Man up and take the journey because no matter what you'll be better off than just simply making a huge assumption and giving up now.

[vindicatorx]

OP you are going to kick yourself for the rest off your life if you do this. You are trying to choose for her and I'm pretty sure she will hate you for trying to set her up with her ex. Be selfish, obviously the ex isn't that great or he would still be her current bf and not her ex. Also, this isn't you being a nice guy. This is you being self defeating and ending a relationship you don't think you are good enough to be in. You are telling yourself you are a nice guy when you are actually just giving yourself an out on your own terms so you don't get hurt in the end. Stop being a wimp show her you do deserve her.

[Tsimp]

Just talk to her about it. Open communication is the key to any good relationship. Ask her how she feels about her ex being back, and if she is satisfied with your relationship.