I've been suffering from crippling depression for the past 5 or 6 years and it's always been something I thought I could manage on my own. That all changed a few months ago when my girlfriend of 2 years who I genuinely loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with left me because I am depressed. I had our engagement ring halfway paid off and before this happened I was starting to feel like I finally had something to live for. Ever since the day she broke up with me which really seemed to come out of nowhere because she always knew about my depression she has completely ignored all of my attempts to speak with her. Literally no response at all. This completely destroyed me because when she went through difficult times I was always there for her and I slipped into the darkest place I'd ever been mentally. I made the mistake of trying to tell her through an email that I was thinking about suicide, explaining to her that it was about much more than just a break up. She took this as me just doing this for attention and told me to leave her alone or she would call the police.
Not long after that my car's engine blew and I was not financially prepared to get a new one. I've been without a car and the girl I love for about 6 months now and I feel completely worthless. I have no friends and no one to talk to about the way my mental state has deteriorated. The only person who I feel could help me is her and she just ignores me. I basically sit here alone in my room all day now thinking about where my life could have been headed in comparison to where it is now. This is really affecting my life at work too, people have started to notice that I am depressed, something I have always been very good at hiding. When I'm in public I put on this mask of being a funny guy who likes to joke around with everyone but that mask is cracking and people are seeing through it. I'm sure my boss notices this and now I'm being passed over for every promotion that comes up. I'm in a pretty hopeless place and while I realize many people have it worse than me...I am not them. I am the one living my life and I feel stuck. I don't even have the energy or motivation to get out of bed anymore unless I have to go to work. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I guess I'm just looking for advice because it seems like everyone I try to talk to in "the real world" about it just ignores me or dismisses this as just being heart broken.