Bi-Polar Girlfriend?

[Blur123]

Hi,

A few months ago I started to date a wonderful woman. After the first few weeks she told me that she was clinically diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and that she takes medication daily. I had noticed minor ups and downs prior but thought maybe she was just moody or something, so didn't think much of it.

Anyway, about 2 months have gone by now and I have never felt so emotionally drained before in my life. When she switches from High to Low it is down right eerie, almost bone chilling scary. It sucks, because she can be the sweetest girl when she's normal, but once that switch flips it all changes.

I am in love with this girl, and I still want to be with her because she makes me feel amazing (most of the time). However she insists on not being together anymore because "I deserve a better girl." she constantly tells me that she is broken and that she will always be that way. And that since I am moving forward with my career and she is not, that I should find another normal girl who has direction.

I guess my question is, should I just let her go even though I love her? It's just so confusing to me. She tells me she loves me all the time, but then constantly beats herself up, and has these episodes where she "doesn't deserve me" Has anyone else dealt with anyone with Bi Polar disorder?

[Rukentuts]

Take her advice. You'll benefit in the long run.

[Soisoisoi]

It's a test. It's always a test with women.

However, you'll probably be better off (read: not [as] emotionally drained) without her. *You* have to weigh the pros and cons. If you really loved her this wouldn't even be a question though, so I guess that could be your answer.

[Dundebuns]

I'm in the exact same position as you. I have been going out with someone who is Bi Polar, and we have been together for a few months now. He is currently in coming out of a low point, and it's very difficult. I find the most difficult bit not being able to do anything, and having to take solace in 'Well you are there, that's the best thing you can do' is hard. I also get a lot of 'I'm worthless, I don't deserve you, you can do better' But you just have to weather it.

If you really love them and they really love you then it'll work out in the long run. As time goes on the frequency of swings and their severity should lessen. But what you should never do is completely leave someone when they're in the deep end of a depressive state.

[Gum]

You have two choices.

1. Stop being a massive faggot and love your girl, theres going to be ups and downs in every relationship, yours are just worse. Deal with it and have a wonderfull life full of adventure and horrid downperiods that makes you want to kill yourself, im guessing this is the most rewarding option.

OR

2. If you have even the slightest doubt in your head, break up now. She will be heartbroken certainly, but it would be worse if you fully commit only to fuck it up and dump her later. Its either 1: Long haul, or 2: Easy way out, and you need to make up your mind asap, for the both of you.


[Infracted]

[Deleted]

If you love her you put up with her shit, as she will do with yours.
If you don't then you don't.

[Blur123]

It's a test. It's always a test with women.

However, you'll probably be better off emotionally without her. *You* have to weigh the pros and cons. If you really loved her this wouldn't even be a question. So I guess that could be your answer.

I know what you mean, but this is the fourth time she's brought this up. And every time I tell her that there is no reason to ever feel the way she does, she gets better...but then a week later she goes through the same thing.

[Chingylol]

Don't listen to other posters who have no clue what bipolor is or have never been in a relationship with someone suffering from it.

I have dated two girls with bipolar disorder, and in my honest opinion, unless you want to live a miserable life, let her go. Her mood swings will NEVER end. She will become very manipulative and the guilt trips never end. At her lowest points, she will start blaming you for everything, which really fucks you up because you will constantly wonder how can someone who loves you be so mean to you. Meds do help, but cause other issues and if they miss a dosage or two (which happens alot), it's back to square one. You say she tells you that she's broken and that she doesn't want to be with you because you deserve better. This will NEVER STOP. EVER.

You've been with her two months and you already can't seem to take it. Now, imagine being with her for 2 years. 5 years? If you and her have a child eventually, she will be a part of your life FOREVER even if you break up. She will always be around. Her disease will affect the child (also bipolar has a higher chance of being passed down to children), and if you split up on bad terms, you can best bet she will turn the kid against you when she's having manic episodes.

It just isn't worth it.

[Blur123]

I'm in the exact same position as you. I have been going out with someone who is Bi Polar, and we have been together for a few months now. He is currently in coming out of a low point, and it's very difficult. I find the most difficult bit not being able to do anything, and having to take solace in 'Well you are there, that's the best thing you can do' is hard. I also get a lot of 'I'm worthless, I don't deserve you, you can do better' But you just have to weather it.

If you really love them and they really love you then it'll work out in the long run. As time goes on the frequency of swings and their severity should lessen. But what you should never do is completely leave someone when they're in the deep end of a depressive state.

Yes very similar indeed, It is good to know that I am not the only one. I really, really want to make things work. Hopefully the episodes and swings will in fact subside as time goes on. She's so important to me, and letting go is just not something I want to do. I fear however that if she keeps on insisting that I find another woman, that those feelings of hers will never go away. I guess I'll have to just deal with it.

[RoryTee]

If you are 2 months in and things are this bad then It might be better to end things , That being said you claim to love her. If you truly love a person then you would want to be with them no?

[Blur123]

Don't listen to other posters who have no clue what bipolor is or have never been in a relationship with someone suffering from it.

I have dated two girls with bipolar disorder, and in my honest opinion, unless you want to live a miserable life, let her go. Her mood swings will NEVER end. She will become very manipulative and the guilt trips never end. At her lowest points, she will start blaming you for everything, which really fucks you up because you wonder how can someone who loves you be so mean? Meds do help, but cause other issues and if they miss a dosage or two (which happens alot), it's back to square one.

You've been with her two months and you already can't seem to take it. Now, imagine being with her for 2 years. 5 years? If you and her have a child eventually, she will be a part of your life FOREVER even if you break up. She will always be around.

It just isn't worth it.

She can be very manipulative, a lot times she will do or say something completely out of line, and when I say something, she will turn it around and make me feel like the one who is in the wrong. She also makes me feel like I owe her things, especially...drinks...she's somewhat of a drinker which just doesn't\mix with her disorder.

I appreciate the responses so far, particularly form those who have/have had a relationship with someone who is Bi Polar.

It's not your typical mood swing. It's destructive. I'm trying to heed all the warnings, and make it work at the same time. It looks like I have a lot of thinking to do.

[Dundebuns]

Yes very similar indeed, It is good to know that I am not the only one. I really, really want to make things work. Hopefully the episodes and swings will in fact subside as time goes on. She's so important to me, and letting go is just not something I want to do. I fear however that if she keeps on insisting that I find another woman, that those feelings of hers will never go away. I guess I'll have to just deal with it.

You can tell her flat out that you will not go and find another woman, and to stop saying that to you. She is Bi Polar, she doesn't have Alzheimers! :P The fact she is bi-polar also means she will never be 'cured' from it. It is a livelong condition, but medication can help balance, and being around the right people can smooth everything out. I honestly think it is worth it if the person is very special. I personally am not going to give up because my bf is bi-polar. I have had depressive episodes before, and I am resolved to not let depression rule any part of my life.

[Yuanrang]

Been in this situation for 7.5 years. My best advice for you is to weigh the pros and cons.

For me, the darkest days of her life tests our relationship (and they are very dark days), but they are an acceptable price to pay to be in love with a wonderful woman.

If that is relevant for you or not, is up to you. I just wouldn't listen to her telling you to go, because that is her instinct on trying to shield you from something she deems to be unfair of you.

[vetinari]

Yes very similar indeed, It is good to know that I am not the only one. I really, really want to make things work. Hopefully the episodes and swings will in fact subside as time goes on. She's so important to me, and letting go is just not something I want to do. I fear however that if she keeps on insisting that I find another woman, that those feelings of hers will never go away. I guess I'll have to just deal with it.

Look, she's crazy. She will always be crazy. Do you really want the mother of your children to be insane? Broken hearts heal, broken homes don't.

[Beastiel]

She will be heartbroken certainly

I'm not so sure. Telling you that you deserve a better a girl is really the new "it's not you, it's me", it's an incredibly common breakup initiator. Pretty soon she'll likely go from nudging to a flat out, "Look, i can't do this anymore. You deserve better and i'm no good for us" Sounds like she'll leave you pretty soon if you don't leave her TBH.

How often are you around her? Maybe you should back off a little bit, then you would both not be as drained and she would value your company more.

[Post]

Yes very similar indeed, It is good to know that I am not the only one. I really, really want to make things work. Hopefully the episodes and swings will in fact subside as time goes on. She's so important to me, and letting go is just not something I want to do. I fear however that if she keeps on insisting that I find another woman, that those feelings of hers will never go away. I guess I'll have to just deal with it.

Let's be honest, there was no way you were going to break up with her by making/reading this thread. You got told the worst story from someone in the exact same situation and you just say "oh well."

[chazus]

She will become very manipulative and the guilt trips never end.

Bi Polar has nothing to do with malice or manipulation and guilt trips. For someone touting "people who have no clue", you kind of give that vibe. Maybe you just had a bad experience with dating girls who do that.

Regardless, if you love her, you either learn to deal with it, or not. The fact of the matter is, everyone is broken in some way or another. If you can't deal with it, there will be a line of girls ahead in your life that you won't be able to deal with either.

It sounds like you really like eachother, which is the important part. If you want to stay together, FIGURE IT OUT. Do what you need to do.

Do not, however, cater to her self destructive, self deprecating style. If she's guilty and thinks she isn't worthy, guess who confirms or denies that idea? You.

[Chingylol]

She can be very manipulative, a lot times she will do or say something completely out of line, and when I say something, she will turn it around and make me feel like the one who is in the wrong. She also makes me feel like I owe her things, especially...drinks...she's somewhat of a drinker which just doesn't\mix with her disorder.

I appreciate the responses so far, particularly form those who have/have had a relationship with someone who is Bi Polar.

It's not your typical mood swing. It's destructive. I'm trying to heed all the warnings, and make it work at the same time. It looks like I have a lot of thinking to do.

Yes, the "you owe me" will never stop. Since you've been together for only two months, she's just complaining about drinks. If you stay with her and say, get a place together, it will turn into "I hate our home, why can't we have something nicer", or if she has a car it will turn into "I hate my car, why can't I have something nicer". Seriously man, it will never stop.

[Blur123]

I'm not so sure. Telling you that you deserve a better a girl is really the new "it's not you, it's me", it's an incredibly common breakup initiator. Pretty soon she'll likely go from nudging to a flat out, "Look, i can't do this anymore. You deserve better and i'm no good for us" Sounds like she'll leave you pretty soon if you don't leave her TBH.

How often are you around her? Maybe you should back off a little bit, then you would both not be as drained and she would value your company more.

I thought about this myself, but it's different. The reason she says these things is because of her condition. She feels that since she is "broken" that I should be with a "normal" girl. And believe me, if I could get some alone time I would, but she is the one who constantly wants to do things together not me.

[Kalis]

You have two choices.

1. Stop being a massive faggot and love your girl, theres going to be ups and downs in every relationship, yours are just worse. Deal with it and have a wonderfull life full of adventure and horrid downperiods that makes you want to kill yourself, im guessing this is the most rewarding option.

You'd have guessed wrong then.

Living with someone that has a serious mental illness isn't "life full of adventure". It isn't rewarding, it won't be wonderful, it's hard work and your life together will be more downs than any "up" can make up for. Unless they have an intense emotional bond with that person then the best advice anyone can give is that they shouldn't pursue the relationship.