Unruly and uncaring room-mate, need thought out advise

[joesept]

So here's the situation. I am living with an old friend for the last couple of years. I moved in on the end of his lease with another apartment, and we both moved into a pretty nice place at the beginning of the year. For the past year and a half, I have noticed his attitude being little more than impossible to deal with and with no way to properly argue. He pays most of the rent, where as I pay the remaining, the utilities, internet, cable food, animal necessities etc. For the longest time I was in a rutt and he helped me by letting me move in to the last apartment, but lately it really became harder and harder to deal with his indirect-assholery.
An example or 3, Leaving his clothing everywhere, bathroom, closet floor, towels everywhere.
Cooking my food for 5+ (I am assuming considering the leftovers in the fridge) and making sauce from scratch, noodles stuck to all sorts of dishes after I had previously that night before work, cleaned everything only to come home and clean more, with him nowhere to be seen.
Generally eating all my food without contributing a dime to groceries in the two years I've lived with him, essentially I buy for myself and he eats whatever I have without question, leftovers arent safe to keep overnight as we work opposite shifts, its a pain in my thigh.

Now why don't I confront him and tell him I am tired of his shit? He is a body builder and physically intimidating. He uses the minor things I dirty as his reason for being equally lazy. Arguing is pointless as it gets near on end of a fist fight that I'd lose (the guy is a professional body builder and capable of breaking my arm easily.) What can I do to fix this situation, as I am unable to move out for another year and some change?

[Deleted]

take it up, if he uses physical force you have a perfect explanation of why he should move out and you can call the police.

[Deleted]

So here's the situation. I am living with an old friend for the last couple of years. I moved in on the end of his lease with another apartment, and we both moved into a pretty nice place at the beginning of the year. For the past year and a half, I have noticed his attitude being little more than impossible to deal with and with no way to properly argue. He pays most of the rent, where as I pay the remaining, the utilities, internet, cable food, animal necessities etc. For the longest time I was in a rutt and he helped me by letting me move in to the last apartment, but lately it really became harder and harder to deal with his indirect-assholery.
An example or 3, Leaving his clothing everywhere, bathroom, closet floor, towels everywhere.
Cooking my food for 5+ (I am assuming considering the leftovers in the fridge) and making sauce from scratch, noodles stuck to all sorts of dishes after I had previously that night before work, cleaned everything only to come home and clean more, with him nowhere to be seen.
Generally eating all my food without contributing a dime to groceries in the two years I've lived with him, essentially I buy for myself and he eats whatever I have without question, leftovers arent safe to keep overnight as we work opposite shifts, its a pain in my thigh.

Now why don't I confront him and tell him I am tired of his shit? He is a body builder and physically intimidating. He uses the minor things I dirty as his reason for being equally lazy. Arguing is pointless as it gets near on end of a fist fight that I'd lose (the guy is a professional body builder and capable of breaking my arm easily.) What can I do to fix this situation, as I am unable to move out for another year and some change?

Condolences for your difficult situation, now - to attempt to further your life, you mention working different shifts that at least suggests to me you have a job.

But for the most part, it isn't major issues causing the rut - but rather, small heaped issues that contribute over the year(s) (2?) have now created a sore. I'd honestly be straight up, and tell him to either use the skills a 10 year old has to help clean up - or... set up a roster for cleaning up.

It'd be effective, at least in my opinion - because then if he continues the assphatry you'd have some sort of evidence to throw in his face, for the food however... You mention him in a current sense as a bodybuilder, he cant be - or at least he might be a strength one because the amount your suggesting he eats doesn't seem reasonable for a diet.

I really would however, beg you to bring a friend over when you confront him (Or a family member) and even then and this is the kicker he'd hesitate to become violent when a witness is present that's when i would lay it down to him.

Or failing all that, move out if you can...

Sorry if this is jumbled, im currently multitasking writing reply's and looking for reasonably priced suits!

[joesept]

Condolences for your difficult situation, now - to attempt to further your life, you mention working different shifts that at least suggests to me you have a job.

But for the most part, it isn't major issues causing the rut - but rather, small heaped issues that contribute over the year(s) (2?) have now created a sore. I'd honestly be straight up, and tell him to either use the skills a 10 year old has to help clean up - or... set up a roster for cleaning up.

It'd be effective, at least in my opinion - because then if he continues the assphatry you'd have some sort of evidence to throw in his face, for the food however... You mention him in a current sense as a bodybuilder, he cant be - or at least he might be a strength one because the amount your suggesting he eats doesn't seem reasonable for a diet.

I really would however, beg you to bring a friend over when you confront him (Or a family member) and even then and this is the kicker he'd hesitate to become violent when a witness is present that's when i would lay it down to him.

Or failing all that, move out if you can...

Sorry if this is jumbled, im currently multitasking writing reply's and looking for reasonably priced suits!

It's difficult to even talk to him about these things because he'll bring up any imperfections I may or may not have, regardless if it is relevant to the situation or not. What upsets me most is that his cleaning methods only occur when its borderline terrible for company to come over, and praises himself by telling me I should clean. IT isnt a matter of my cleaning habits. I wash my clothes, I clean my dishes, I feed the animals daily and change their litter. I am bent because I spend all of my extra funds keeping food in the house. He eats whatever is there, as I've mentioned before, and I've wondered if i would be able to make it till next payday sometimes. Eating ramen to get by is stupid if he makes literally twice as much as I do.

[Kapaya]

I seriously don't understand how you call him a friend if you're afraid that he's gonna kick your ass if you tell him to straighten up? If he wont change, you simply have to move on. Dunno how much you pay, but perhaps moving to your own place would be for the best?

[joesept]

I seriously don't understand how you call him a friend if you're afraid that he's gonna kick your ass if you tell him to straighten up? If he wont change, you simply have to move on. Dunno how much you pay, but perhaps moving to your own place would be for the best?

The situation is not that I don't want to move, its that I can't afford my own place, partially reliant on his contribution to the rent. If I made the amount he gave towards it, I would have left a long time ago. I am finishing my last year of college so I am trying to figure out how to deal with the situation peacefully until I can actually make that next step.

[Jeleh]

Stop cleaning, get a mini fridge in your room and live off stuff you can keep in there for a bit. Let him realize where the food comes from.

[joesept]

Stop cleaning, get a mini fridge in your room and live off stuff you can keep in there for a bit. Let him realize where the food comes from.

Someone else suggested the same thing. I considered going the french way and only buying food day by day.

[Spectral]

So, he pays more and expects you to do more of the cleaning. I'd guess that's how he thinks of it in his own head, anyway.

[draganid]

discuss boundaries with him. you mentioned he pays most of the rent, maybe he feels you owe him food.

[Deleted]

take it up, if he uses physical force you have a perfect explanation of why he should move out and you can call the police.

That was easy, best and safest solution in the first post.

[joesept]

discuss boundaries with him. you mentioned he pays most of the rent, maybe he feels you owe him food.

When you can quite literally afford to eat out every night and day, why would you even bother raiding the fridge?

[fathertajj]

if you have already tried the nice options then its time to get tough. start putting on his dirty clothes and dishes on his bed, when he eats your food take it off of next months rent. just because he pays more does not mean he owns you.

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

You pay the lesser of the rent.

Kinda puts you in the bitch seat, and he agrees with that assessment.

[Deleted]

Buy/cook food just enough to finish it in one meal. Do not cook/buy a lot at once. This is what I'd do.

[joesept]

Was thinking the same thing.

What's the rent splitting? 45/55? 30/70?

80% he pays, 20% I pay+ultilities IE water, electricity, food etc In the end, I am paying an equal part to keep the house afloat.

[Tojara]

Piss in his shampoo, that's what I did when I had a bad room-mate. I was out numbered 2 to 1 and just decided to do sneaky things like that. I remember going to class and the people behind him being repulsed by the smell of his hair.

[Deleted]

Now why don't I confront him and tell him I am tired of his shit? He is a body builder and physically intimidating. He uses the minor things I dirty as his reason for being equally lazy. Arguing is pointless as it gets near on end of a fist fight that I'd lose (the guy is a professional body builder and capable of breaking my arm easily.) What can I do to fix this situation, as I am unable to move out for another year and some change?

Grow a pair. Seriously.

hes a friend and you cant even talk to him because you an scared of physical violence? something fucked up here.

[draganid]

80% he pays, 20% I pay+ultilities IE water, electricity, food etc In the end, I am paying an equal part to keep the house afloat.

honestly it doesnt sound too unreasonable then if hes eating your food. your both contributing equally to as you put it "keeping the house afloat".

as for him cleaning up after himself, just talk to him about it, your not being unreasonable about that.

[Mormolyce]

80% he pays, 20% I pay+ultilities IE water, electricity, food etc In the end, I am paying an equal part to keep the house afloat.

In that case you're not getting anything special from living there, move out and find a better roommate.