Ladies do you fear for your life when you reject a guy? Men do you get violent?

[Byleth]

No one said it was your job. And if you deem it not your job, politely decline. Or hey, verbally rudely do it. Just don't be surprised to be called names either, I guess.

It's not my job to politely decline conversation with someone who has interrupted me when I clearly did not want to be interrupted.

There's a time and place for striking up conversation with strangers, at a bar/club, in training courses at work, a long haul flight on a plane, the table next to you at dinner.... I could go on all day.

But someone with headphones in, and with their head in a phone/book.... Yeah that's just a douchey move. Half the time my headphones are only in for show, I do it specifically to discourage randoms from talking to me.

[Anastacy]

It's not really on the stranger to make you fell better. That's on you do deal with yourself unless someone offers. Like I cant imagine pushing my anxiety on someone else, although Ive had a couple people outright offer to help when they obviously noticed my distress on airplanes. Also, should be noted I was more receptive to this because it was an offer to help, and not an offer to just randomly socialize / flirt.

Socialization isnt just about talking, its about knowing when others obviously dont want random small talk or to be flirted with. Its Just as much on you to know to read people as it is on me to be polite if you are actually being innocent on things. Take responsibility for why you get negative reactions.

It's funny you bring up anxiety. Don't lots of people with anxiety have trouble picking up on social cues?

[Crissi]

It's funny you bring up anxiety. Don't lots of people with anxiety have trouble picking up on social cues?

Nope. That's autism, not anxiety, although anxiety can make you overthink everything.

[Anastacy]

It's not my job to politely decline conversation with someone who has interrupted me when I clearly did not want to be interrupted.

There's a time and place for striking up conversation with strangers, at a bar/club, in training courses at work, a long haul flight on a plane, the table next to you at dinner.... I could go on all day.

But someone with headphones in, and with their head in a phone/book.... Yeah that's just a douchey move. Half the time my headphones are only in for show, I do it specifically to discourage randoms from talking to me.

I'm sure at this point we're just going in circles. I just find it funny that I wear headphones or whatever, and still wish people would approach me. I just wear them because they wouldn't anyway, and I'm bored.

[PACOX]

All my siblings are girls. All of them had one guy who couldn't take a hit, that I knew about. The ones who get touchy, pushy, verbal, violent tend to be the weakest ones too.

I've seen the roles reversed as well but rarely. There's always the girl who wants to someone is gay when they get turned down.

People can be assholes.

[Anastacy]

Nope. That's autism, not anxiety, although anxiety can make you overthink everything.

Over-thinking everything can be very distracting.

Anyway, the point is moot as it's a super-specific "example" anyway. I never said it was anyone's job to make anyone else feel better. I suggested it can be a surprisingly good feeling the random times we do.

[xGLxAnubis]

I see. I'm gonna assume I'm talking to a public who doesn't believe violence against women is a widespread social issue, am I right?

In this case, respond to me honestly:

How many of you would like to trade? How many of you would prefer to be women?

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If I show you a gun and tell you there is only a 5% chance that it is loaded, will you agree to let me put it against your head and pull the trigger?

Is there any benefit to allowing it? Is there a detriment to not allowing it?

In your scenario it's strictly a losing/neutral position, there is no upside (I die or nothing happens); I would argue that treating other people with decency and not allowing oneself to be constantly fearful is the upside and a clear benefit.

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I mean this is a bad leap of logic. It seems like you are asserting that 1 out of 20 times you meet men they commit a crime on you, which is horrendously wrong. It's more likely 1 in 1,000,000,000.

The point he is trying to make is that since men and blacks disproportionately commit crimes, you should be afraid of them.

You're proving my point, though. I'm arguing that while a disproportion exists, it's irrelevant to the discussion because it's still a small enough size of the overall, that fear is unnecessary.

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This brings up an interesting question: does this mean women should be wary of men 5% of the time, or 5% wary of men 100% of the time? In other words, how does work out in a behavioral, on-the-ground sense?

That's a great question regarding behavior when applied to statistics.

It's hard to say, of course, and impossible to truly measure. The point I was really trying to make though is that it's EXTREMELY uncommon that you're actually interacting with one of these violent people, and that the fear/wariness is almost entirely irrational.

Now, that's not to discount when you're truly and honestly getting some bad vibes from someone who is clearly crossing lines/boundaries. Compliments, acknowledging your presence in a friendly way, general banter, et al. isn't crossing a line. It's being a decent human being.

[Budong]

Why is this just directed at guys? Women are plenty crazy and violent. I told a girl no before and she slashed my tires during the night then threatened me with her cartel family in Mexico. This shit rolls both ways.

[Byleth]

I've seen the roles reversed as well but rarely. There's always the girl who wants to someone is gay when they get turned down.

People can be assholes.

This is so true, I've experienced this as a gay man.

I'm always flattered by a females advances, but I always politely decline them. So many of them can't take the hint though, and just throw themselves at me after I've said no quite clearly. Then I'm in the awkward situation of having to extract myself from the situation without laying a hand on the woman, because that's violence and then their friends get involved, and it just goes all wrong...

[MatadorMedia]

So I guess everyone should develop the ability to read minds then. Thanks for your valuable insight...........

Uh, no. This is the platinum rule... it replaces the golden rule. It means you have to be willing to listen and empathize with other people and not assume that everyone should be treated the same way you want to be treated (avoiding egocentrism). It requires communication.

[Stelio Kontos]

This is so true, I've experienced this as a gay man.

I'm always flattered by a females advances, but I always politely decline them. So many of them can't take the hint though, and just throw themselves at me after I've said no quite clearly. Then I'm in the awkward situation of having to extract myself from the situation without laying a hand on the woman, because that's violence and then their friends get involved, and it just goes all wrong...

The only time I've had someone make really overt advances on me was a gay Indian man at an airport.

He had the stereotypical way of approaching it you see in those memes about Indian men flirting. He just kept talking to me, peppering me with questions. I told him I was flying to see my girlfriend, but he couldn't take the hint. I was doing a lot of weightlifting then, so he was groping my biceps, which really got me angry, and asking if I ever do things with men.

I didn't know how to get him to leave me alone without me being accused of a hate crime for being the big, muscled up white guy beating up a gay Indian.

[Byleth]

The only time I've had someone make really overt advances on me was a gay Indian man at an airport.

He had the stereotypical way of approaching it you see in those memes about Indian men flirting. He just kept talking to me, peppering me with questions. I told him I was flying to see my girlfriend, but he couldn't take the hint. I was doing a lot of weightlifting then, so he was groping my biceps, which really got me angry, and asking if I ever do things with men.

I didn't know how to get him to leave me alone without me being accused of a hate crime for being the big, muscled up white guy beating up a gay Indian.

I sympathize with this, it's a really awkward situation to be in when you can't safely extract yourself without looking like the bad guy. Especially if they're really handsy.

I've found that if politely asking them to stop doesn't work, then continuing to repeat yourself whilst getting louder and louder is the best course of action. It draws attention to the situation and the social awkwardness usually gets them to back off pretty quickly.

[Weeps]

Statistically speaking, assuming you live in the USA, in that situation you were the more likely one to get mugged/murdered than her. Men are 3x more likely to be the victim of a violent crime in America than woman are. When accounting for violent crimes against a stranger or acquaintance men are 11x more likely to be the victim of violent crime.

Sounds about right to me.

I have that kind of confidence where IDGAF about the area. I volunteer to help the poor in ghettos where she has to go. Gotta know how to talk to these people. It helps a lot to diffuse a situation.

It is only insanely dangerous if you are black, part of a rival gang or out on the streets after 9pm. That’s when the junkies are out on the prowl.

[Zyky]

Very fine point. Now, let's discuss a side issue.

In the most common case of female on male sexual assault, that would be teachers abusing their charges. (1)

A)What is the immediate reaction of edgelords ? (asking if the teacher is hot)
B)Who casually dismiss this all the time ?


(1)We can play pretend, but for some obscure reasons, I think ''members of the clergy groping the altar boys'' does not concern many nuns.

That isn't entirely true either, teachers assaulting young men are the most commonly REPORTED assault. The majority of society as a whole makes fun of men who are assaulted, this is a fact. There's plenty of men who get daterape drugged, there's plenty of men who get threatened with physical harm but don't do anything because we're taught from a young age that any kind of assault towards a woman and you're going to jail because nobody will believe you, there's plenty of married women who assault their husbands. Until society realizes that women are just as guilty as men are of being "violent" then nothing is going to change. Because everyone blames the man, if the man defends himself from a would be rape by punching the woman, she'll cry he tried to rape me and beat on me...and who's society going to believe? The woman.

This is further shown by a more recent incident with a streamer who was telling his fiancee to leave him alone, because he was 'working'(by streaming) and she started swinging on him and throwing things at him, he slapped her. The whole even caught on camera, but who got blamed? The male streamer, even though the assault he just received happened seconds PRIOR to him defending himself. All because she started crying after he smacked her...I'm sorry but society doesn't see females as aggressors even with proof. Meanwhile he had a temp account freeze while Twitch looked into it, charged were dropped by the police because she assaulted him first, twitch unfroze his account because she assaulted him first, but society still blames him and calls him a "wife-beater" with zero justification.

[kamuimac]

Came across this... piece... and Im going to hold off my own personal opinions on it.

I have hit on women and been rejected. I've never felt angry or turned violent. In fact, Its a humbling experience connecting with someone, all the planets align together, I take my shot AND.......... BOOM! Rejected.

I have landed dates and I have passed on dates. Been on every side of the spectrum and I have yet to feel angry, anxious or turn violent.

But thats JUST me, so im asking if anyone has experienced this OR know someone who has and would like your thoughts on this.

the humanity would go extinct if people would listen to stupid advice like this.

its always good time to pick up women

in this case i would start with converstaion - "hey what are you reading"

sadly nowadays incels are to afraid to even speak to women . i guess because of beta cucks like this one from this quote

[Witchblade77]

Wait. So it's okay for a woman to approach a man she's interested in on the bus because she likes the way he looks, but not okay for a man to approach a female? Stop trying to protect women from the world. They aren't all these little delicate flowers that need you to stand up for them. If she doesn't want to talk with him she can simply say "no thank you not interested ". Don't be sexist.

the problem is... some guys take that answer for what its meant to be and leave you alone. and some... start getting defensive and argumentative and more insistent. and some even get angry. and you cannot tell which one its going to be by appearance alone. I WISH I could just say safely at any given time: i'm not interested, please leave me alone" because there are guys who for whatever reason so this as me being uppity and rude and start actualy getting annoyed with me. which is why I and so many women err on a side of caution and try to produce rejection in a way that doesn't anger whoever is approaching them. in a roundabout, awkward smile, trying to look back down to the book, monosyllabic answers way. sometimes - fake phone number way, ANYTHING that will get them to leave you alone without getting angry at you for daring not to want to give them attention.

if you never behaved that way? GOOD FOR YOU, keep being one of the good ones.

but the point still stands. 1. people do not owe anyone social interaction. 2. people do not owe anyone positive response or any response to flirtation. 3. being on public transit becasue you have to use it to get places is NOT an automatic openness for social interaction. its using public transit to get places. 4. asking someone for direction is not the same as flirting with them.

and this one is a personal for me - if i'm reading a book, and a stranger asks me what i'm reading, i will show them the title, but do NOT expect me to tell you the entire plot of the book, explain major themes or spend time discussing the book with you instead of you know... actualy reading it like I wanted to in a first place.

incidentally, example of a positive personal interaction i had with a dude the other day. I was walking down the street (rural street, so no pavement to walk on and i was the only one actualy walking, for clarity) the other day and he stopped his car and asked me if i needed a lift. it just so happened I was literally 2 minutes away from my destination, so i smiled, thanked him for the offer and declined and he said ok, have a nice day and drove off. He had a good reason to stop and ask, and he took no for an answer without arguing about it. THAT IS HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT.

[Karlz0rz]

I've had a young girl cross the street, walk past me, then cross over again :P. Granted, I do look pretty intimidating, and it was at night!
Little did she know I'm the biggest teddy bear in the world .

[lonely zergling]

Meh this "women" are holy and you arent allowed to even look at them in public let alone speak to them is problematic. I can try to speak to anyone I want in public. Deal with it.

[Grimbold21]

If there are posts that immediately scream incel, that one just shouts white knight

[Odintdk]

Who the fuck are some of you (including the maggot with the original tweet), to tell me or any other guy here, when and how to deal/interact with other human beings? I'll do what I deem right at any given moment. I'm a grown up. And if you don't like that, you could fuck right off.

This here is why social media, while beneficial as a tool, is more harmful and quite a cancer to society at this point.