Please help: Girlfriend lost attraction (2)

[Deleted]

She was using you, and probably took you for all your worth and is now moving on, what a pathetic beta. Just grow up and man up

[Deleted]

The main problem is her condition. You can't exactly assert your superiority/"manliness" due to that. Henceforth, making you, inadvertently, a beta. It's out of your power mate. You literally can't do anything about it.
To quote Eminem:

"I do know one thing though,
bitches, they come they go."

You got, what? Another 60~ odd years of life left. Do you HONESTLY want to spend those 60~ years with someone you can't even have sex with?
Fuck her needs, think about your own.

[xilla]

She was using you, and probably took you for all your worth and is now moving on, what a pathetic beta. Just grow up and man up

In harsh words, but yes i believe this is true. You gotta move on OP.

[TheBeardedOne]

She is broken goods with a victim mentality. It will always be your fault and she will ways be a victim.
Get out its not going to get better only worse. This sounds like a toxic waste of time.

The problem is you have placed her on a pedestal and allowed her to act like a child (adults can deal with trauma children don't). She is addicted to been a victim and will never give it up for various mental problems.
You have dug a hole it will only get deeper and shittier unless you climb out now.

[Willfox]

You treating her like a china doll is a constant reminder of past experiences. You can be "gentle" and dominant.

[Deleted]

She is broken goods with a victim mentality. It will always be your fault and she will ways be a victim.
Get out its not going to get better only worse. This sounds like a toxic waste of time.

The problem is you have placed her on a pedestal and allowed her to act like a child (adults can deal with trauma children don't). She is addicted to been a victim and will never give it up for various mental problems.
You have dug a hole it will only get deeper and shittier unless you climb out now.

Tbh this is just complete bullshit from people who have 0 understanding of psychology.

[TheBeardedOne]

Tbh this is just complete bullshit from people who have 0 understanding of psychology.

Cuase this sort of behavior is normal.......................
Its never going to end well easier to get out.

Psychology is a crock of shit anyway

[DPA]

Physical attraction and security is something you build up outside of the bedroom, not in the bedroom...
It's woman mentality 101.

[Deleted]

Cuase this sort of behavior is normal.......................
Its never going to end well easier to get out.

Psychology is a crock of shit anyway

Nice opinion, now let the actual scientists do their work. Cheers. I bet Mathemathics and Physics is just shit too.

[Deleted]

Nice opinion, now let the actual scientists do their work. Cheers. I bet Mathemathics and Physics is just shit too.

Can we stop on topic? Not trying to brown nose the mods, just for the pure fact this is actually a really interesting "relationship thread"

[Deleted]

Can we stop on topic? Not trying to brown nose the mods, just for the pure fact this is actually a really interesting "relationship thread"

Well I told him he should consider couples therapy (you know, those people who dail with these things on daily basis?). Then a random guy comes in, bashes his girlfriend for no reason and tells us psychology is just a load of crap.

Where I'm standing, that's on topic. Just filtering useless information.

[TheBeardedOne]

Nice opinion, now let the actual scientists do their work. Cheers. I bet Mathemathics and Physics is just shit too.

Whilst psychology follows the scientific method the human brain is so complex that really haven't learned much in the scheme of things

[Spikeydeath]

You and her are done for...not to be a pessimist but that's what I've seen from friends

[Kerath]

What I'm saying is, from what I can tell from what he's told me, she seems to be more or less mostly over any trauma (mentally, at least) she's suffered from the assault (or at least as over it as someone can get, I guess), and the problem is purely an involuntary physical issue with her vagina.

The fact that she STILL has such an extreme physiological response is an indicator that there is still a problem. Her brain is telling her body "NONONONONO". That's not normal, even after sexual assault - that's an extreme reaction which is overriding her sexual arousal, which at her age, is a pretty huge problem. She's not over it. She may not be afraid of intimate contact (which is definitely a good start) but she's by no means over it.
She needs professional help. Judging by the OP, this problem has already been ongoing for years and it's obviously confusing, upsetting, frustrating and now it's breaking down their relationship.

OP, stop making intimate moments all about her. The fact that you're so very tentative and careful and terrified of putting a foot wrong is a constant reminder that she's 'damaged goods' (in her eyes). It shines a spotlight on the situation.
Try taking charge a little more. You certainly don't have to be physically forceful, or nasty or disrespectful to be a dominant partner in the bedroom on occasion. Ask her to do things for you, tell her how you want to be touched, let her know when it feels good. Take the spotlight OFF of her and her problem once in a while. Make her feel normal.

And both of you go to counselling together.

Edit to add:
Also this:

In future relationships, it would behoove you to listen - not just hear, but actually listen - to your partner, and not attempt to re-purpose her words to fit your own narrative.

This x 1000000

[TheBeardedOne]

Well I told him he should consider couples therapy (you know, those people who dail with these things on daily basis?). Then a random guy comes in, bashes his girlfriend for no reason and tells us psychology is just a load of crap.

Where I'm standing, that's on topic. Just filtering useless information.

So your opinion is right and every one elses in wrong? I am willing to bet in 1 year he would be happier following my advice rather than yours

[Atrea]

I'm sorry to say, but your relationship sounds doomed.

Don't take this the wrong way, but she's right: you are the problem. But not in the way you think.
While you may think you're only protecting her by treating her like a delicate piece of glass, she is communicating to you that she doesn't want to be treated this way, yet you persist, because you've conditioned yourself to do so.

It may sound insensitive of me to say, but you've only been with her for six months. This isn't exactly a long-term relationship here, and you've already reached the "boredom in the bedroom" plateau. It can only go downhill from here.

In future relationships, it would behoove you to listen - not just hear, but actually listen - to your partner, and not attempt to re-purpose her words to fit your own narrative.

[peterlook]

stop playing wow so much faggot

Infracted.

[Deleted]

So your opinion is right and every one elses in wrong? I am willing to bet in 1 year he would be happier following my advice rather than yours

No, I specifically said YOURS is wrong, many in this thread actually gave the same advice as I did. You come here calling psychology is crap without any argument (and no, telling us brains are complix really isn't an argument).

Also I never implied he couldn't be happy in the long run with breaking up this relation. I just don't see why he would simply brake up without trying to fix it. His relationship isn't quite normal anyway.

[Spikeydeath]

stop playing wow so much faggot

Man you are a ray of freaken sunshine

[TheBeardedOne]

No, I specifically said YOURS is wrong, many in this thread actually gave the same advice as I did. You come here calling psychology is crap without any argument (and no, telling us brains are complix really isn't an argument).

Also I never implied he couldn't be happy in the long run with breaking up this relation. I just don't see why he would simply brake up without trying to fix it. His relationship isn't quite normal anyway.

Life is short shouldn't waste it on doomed things. Wave your psychology flag all you want because all you would do with it is just parrot it from a book. All we can see here is your failed attempt at sounding intelligent because all you can do is attack the poster not the opinion because you cannot