Intimacy question...

[Yesthisisnew]

Yes I created a new account for this.. I have friends on this forum don't want them to know...

Background information: Been with my wife for 2 years, dated for 4. We are no where near having children and are completely happy with that but will have them eventually.

I do not know where it came from but I am petrified of having children before we are financially ready and had always had 2 requirements for intercourse. 1st Being birth control for her (which she was already taking anyways), 2nd I always wear protection. Which in my head is the double defense I need to insure there are no mishaps.

In the last month she has brought up to me that 2 different friend groups of hers that she has shared this information with thinks having the 2nd requirement is ridiculous and unnecessary; I wanted some external input. Am I being irrational with this? Do you think it does or does not decrease the chance of having a mishap? It didn’t bother me at all until she has had outside input on it lol… and to answer anyone before they post it no I don’t care if she told her friends she has the right to share any of this as a mutual party in the process.

[the game]

Why do you and your wife care so much what her friends think? Are her friends having sex with you or having your kid? it's really none of their concern.

[Reeve]

Depends how much you trust your wife. If you think she's going to consistently take her birth control and isn't going to sabotage it so that she can get pregnant, you're pretty safe with just the birth control.

[Independent voter]

Just tell her you want to be careful. It does seem a bit much. It almost seems like you're expecting to split up.

[Joeygiggles]

Ok then tell her to go off the pill. Then if anything happens it's your fault. I'm crazy in the fact that I think most women want kids and will "forget" to take their pill

[Jester Joe]

I don't see any issue with it.

It's taking the extra steps to be safe.

[Deleted]

I know plenty of women that claimed to be on the pill then got pregnant anyway, malicious or not that is a risk you take when not wearing condoms.

[AndaliteBandit]

Excessive use even of lubricated condoms are eventually going to chafe and even tear her. Has she ever mentioned pain, or have you ever noticed bleeding? Could be why she's bringing it up as a concern.

[Deleted]

If she is cheating on you then it's wise to use protection.

[Packing an i5]

If you use a condom then theres no reason for her to be on the Pill and theres always the Morning after pill if you discover the condom broke during intercourse.

[Calzaeth]

You should be at the point in your relationship where the "This is what I need to feel comfortable with intercourse"-conversation has been had and settled. Her friends have nothing to do with this arrangement; this is between you and her.

Simply put: NO-ONE should expect you to have sex in a way you're not comfortable with. Besides, wasn't the missus happy with the arrangement anyway?

[Deleted]

Excessive use even of lubricated condoms are eventually going to chafe and even tear her. Has she ever mentioned pain, or have you ever noticed bleeding? Could be why she's bringing it up as a concern.

You must be kidding, right? Please someone tell me this guy is kidding.

[brimdog]

I look BOTH ways before crossing the street, not just one way.
I strongly encourage you to do the same.

PS- if she starts crying/fighting/arguing/yelling/dealing/ect to get you to agree with and validate her then I strongly encourage you to run the phuck away.

[digiNuck]

I would be more concerned that she's talking about your sex life with her friends. There is only two reasons women talk about sex with their friends, to tell them how awesome it is and make them jealous, in which case she wouldn't care what they think about it, or to complain about it, in which case she's probably saying other things about you behind your back as well.

Bottom line is, either she's happy or she's not, and if she's not she needs to tell you directly so you can discuss it. If she is comfortable enough to talk to them about your sex life but not you, kick her to the curb and get out while you still can.

[brimdog]

You must be kidding, right? Please someone tell me this guy is kidding.

Kidding about what, exactly: friction and repeated thrusting, physics?

[Degrade]

Unless she's having some problems with condoms, or she's having side effects from the hormones, then what's the big deal? Is the sex not satisfying or something due to contraception?

[Kathandira]

Yes I created a new account for this.. I have friends on this forum don't want them to know...

Background information: Been with my wife for 2 years, dated for 4. We are no where near having children and are completely happy with that but will have them eventually.

I do not know where it came from but I am petrified of having children before we are financially ready and had always had 2 requirements for intercourse. 1st Being birth control for her (which she was already taking anyways), 2nd I always wear protection. Which in my head is the double defense I need to insure there are no mishaps.

In the last month she has brought up to me that 2 different friend groups of hers that she has shared this information with thinks having the 2nd requirement is ridiculous and unnecessary; I wanted some external input. Am I being irrational with this? Do you think it does or does not decrease the chance of having a mishap? It didn’t bother me at all until she has had outside input on it lol… and to answer anyone before they post it no I don’t care if she told her friends she has the right to share any of this as a mutual party in the process.

Never Ever Trust Anyone. Even the people you love the most. You have no one to depend on but yourself.

Wear a condom, you never know if she forgot to take her pill. Or worst case scenario, you never know if she just stops taking it all together to have a surprise baby.

[AndaliteBandit]

You must be kidding, right? Please someone tell me this guy is kidding.

That was my experience with frequent sex with condoms with my husband. Not kidding.

[Revi]

Honestly, it seems very strange to me. It's your wife, you should trust her enough to believe that she does take the pill and doesn't have STDs. I don't understand why you'd use a condom as well, seems awfully distrusting. If it's that you're just REALLY nervous of her getting pregnant, go speak to a doctor about birth control to put your mind at ease.

[Thelxi]

Technically it is unnecessary for both you wearing a condom and her being on birth control, especially since you are married. If she wants to go off birth control you should let her. If she wants you to stop wearing condoms on the other hand..

In the end follow your gut and stick with it, if you feel the need to keep wearing condoms definitely do so.