Is weight gain grounds for divorce/ultimatum?

[Witchblade77]

when we are talking about them letting themselves go... what ARE we talking about here?

neither my SO nor I are the same weight we used to be in our 20ties. heck I gained about 15 pounds over the course of 2 decades - still well within healthy range, but i don't fit into tailored clothes I used to fit into anymore - still fit stretchy stuff like sweaters though, he gained about 20ish? that's with us working out and generally eating healthy with occasional junky treat to ourselves. as you age, metabolism changes, our bones change, so many things change.. even if you look at celebrities whose job is to look a certain way, you will see that even the ones aging super gracefully, are still looking a bit thicker. regular people who don't have working out and personal chefs as part of their jobs? changes in body are all but inevitable.

moreover - they could have undiagnosed illness, that is causing weight gain despite efforts to stave it off.

but if they just stopped caring about themselves all together? then you have to figure out why. both of you. and ultimatum aint it. there has got to be an underlying issue here. figure what THAT is and then decide if its a dealbreaker for relationship. weight gain is a symptom.

[vilememory]

If the woman chooses to gain a massive amount of weight after marriage so be it. That is her choice.

[Shadowferal]

If the woman chooses to gain a massive amount of weight after marriage so be it. That is her choice.

It sounds like she chooses divorce too.

[Splenda]

While weight is an important factor in lifespan, a lot of other things can affect it too. When it's your time it's your time, I try to take all the care I can, but I could get beaned in the brainpan by a falling piano walking down the street. All the kale smoothies people try to promote won't help me at all then.

I'm aware, I lost my mom when she was 44 Life is cruel. But I prefer better odds when I can get em.

[Goldielocks]

Marriage has lost the significance it once had. How it really is just people who are dating that want a stronger label and want the gov't benefits. That's why there are so many divorces. A real marriage means it cannot be annulled. We simply don't do real marriages anymore.

So the argument of what "grounds" most marriages have to end is pretty much a pointless question. They weren't that solid to begin with most of the time, and any feather can break the camel's back.

[Shadowferal]

Marriage has lost the significance it once had. How it really is just people who are dating that want a stronger label and want the gov't benefits. That's why there are so many divorces. A real marriage means it cannot be annulled. We simply don't do real marriages anymore.
So the argument of what "grounds" most marriages have to end is pretty much a pointless question. They weren't that solid to begin with most of the time, and any feather can break the camel's back.

I think I would replace the word "significance" with the word "meaning."

[Zafire]

love is love, fucking is fucking. the former isn't the latter.

this is the problem with the monogamous paradigm, that to love someone you have to be in a relationship with them, and to be in a relationship with them you can never fuck anyone else ever again.
so if your partner becomes unattractive to you, or gets sick, or has some kind of accident, etc etc, you're basically put in a position where you can either never enjoy fucking again, or you can end the relationship - it's an impossible scenario for a human being to put in, ESPECIALLY considering for how many people sex is an essential aspect of mental health and life happiness.

also to echo what others have already said, love is absolutely conditional and it should be.

I like this reply. This is pretty much how I feel about it. Feeling any other way about it seems closed minded to me.

Odd things have crossed my mind...like how I would feel about my girlfriend if she got paralyzed from the waist down, or suffered severe burns to the point of being unrecognizable. It's a terrifying concept. I think people don't know themselves well enough to be able to answer honestly.

I can't answer the poll because it's a gray area. It's not just a yes/no answer for me.

[vilememory]

It sounds like she chooses divorce too.

If she chooses to divorce that is her right, and all states should be like California when it comes to divorce in the no fault divorce style, no reason needed and half of the husbands current assets go directly to the wife.

[Shadowferal]

Choose to get fat then you choose to get divorced...sounds like a contract to be made.

[PACOX]

I think it's a stupid reason but it's not my relationship.

[Stelio Kontos]

I'm aware, I lost my mom when she was 44 Life is cruel. But I prefer better odds when I can get em.

That must have been painful to go through. But yeah, life is harsh, so mitigating what factors you can is always helpful.

But still, no kale smoothies for me.

[Splenda]

That must have been painful to go through. But yeah, life is harsh, so mitigating what factors you can is always helpful.

But still, no kale smoothies for me.

I was 18, it was terrible.

And I would never ask that of a partner. There is definitely a difference between "please don't jump off of mountains or eat 42 cheeseburgers a week" and "please eat nothing but kale and quinoa or I am OUT" ;P

[Stelio Kontos]

There is definitely a difference between "please don't jump off of mountains or eat 42 cheeseburgers a week" and "please eat nothing but kale and quinoa or I am OUT" ;P

Oh, definitely, I was just being facetious regarding my eternal enmity for kale smoothies.

[Vakna]

This topic is weight gain ... not spouse turns into Jabba the Hutt.

That's still weight gain.

[StayTuned]

Absolutely not.

People change with age. If I was 17 years old, I'd probably have a problem with my gf getting on some weight. But now that we're married and approaching the mid 30's, I don't give a fuck anymore. There are more important things in life and traits in a person than their physical appearance.

Especially scummy to expect your spouse to look the same as in her early twenties after she births your child or even children. Life takes a toll on your body, pay some respect to that.

[Darththeo]

That's still weight gain.

Yes, just like a moped and a BMW both are vehicles ... doesn't mean it makes sense to mention.

[kail]

Being unhappy with your spouse is grounds for a divorce. If that includes weight change (gain or loss), then sure.

[Mistame]

Love is a dichotomy...

"Love" is simply a word used to describe caring for someone. It is not a dichotomy, as people care for ("love") people in different ways and degrees.

Love has literally nothing to do with having sex...

You're conflating "love" and intimate relationships. I simply pointed out that an intimate relationship is built on, wait for it, intimacy. If there's no intimacy, you might as well just be friends.

that's like a 14 year old boy's definition of love.

As opposed to your 13 year-old girl's Disney Princess interpretation of it.

P.S: Browsers don't display more than a single space character. Stop it.

[Darththeo]

"Love" is simply a word used to describe caring for someone. It is not a dichotomy, as people care for ("love") people in different ways and degrees.



You're conflating "love" and intimate relationships. I simply pointed out that an intimate relationship is built on, wait for it, intimacy. If there's no intimacy, you might as well just be friends.



As opposed to your 13 year-old girl's Disney Princess interpretation of it.

P.S: Browsers don't display more than a single space character. Stop it.

Your first part of your reply and second part discount each other ... do you care to be more hypocritical? You are conflating love and sex. Period. You are now confusing intimacy with sex. Yes, sex is intimacy, but not all intimacy is sex.

If you think I have a "13 year old girl's interpretation of love, you know less than Jon Snow.

[Mistame]

Your first part of your reply and second part discount each other ... do you care to be more hypocritical?

First, don't use words you don't understand. Second, no, they don't. Read better.

You are conflating love and sex. Period.

No, I'm not. Your reading comprehension sucks.

You are now confusing intimacy with sex. Yes, sex is intimacy, but not all intimacy is sex.

No, I'm not. Of course there's multiple forms of intimacy. But an intimate relationship is built upon a specific type of intimacy that includes sex. There is no rational reason to be in a monogamous, intimate relationship if there is no sex. Sure, one might make exceptions in the case of temporary impairment, but the notion that someone who doesn't stay with someone who can/will never have sex doesn't "love" them is blatant stupidity.

If you think I have a "13 year old girl's interpretation of love, you know less than Jon Snow.

Infantile analogy aside:

if you still want to be with them, it's love. If not, it's not love.

Love is a dichotomy ... You either love them or you don't.

^ Those comments seem to support my claim. "Love" is caring for someone. Nothing less, nothing more. The notion that it's some "special" thing beyond that concept is "Disney Princess" drivel. Additionally, not wanting to be with someone anymore, regardless of the reason, does not mean you don't care about ("love") them and anyone who believes that kind of nonsense is either delusional or an imbecile.